Start Again

Keep the Past Where it Belongs

*Note: Just as a heads up because I was asked. Is this a Billy Idol fan fiction? Um yes and no? In short it is a Billy Idol fan fiction. But without spoiling what I basically have planned out for this story in my mess of a brain, it is also a bit all over the place. So don't expect it to be Blair and Billy shagging up every chapter, and don't expect it to not be that.....Basically expect everything but don't at the same time, I guess? Sorry really confusing but you'll see, you shall all see my lovelies.*

I had done my best to keep the thought of Billy cheating on me out of my mind. But with him gone for the majority of the time it was difficult. No matter what I did to distract myself the thought was always in the back of my mind. It sat there poking me and teasing me at how I had chosen a man so different from Johnny and yet so similar at the same time.

With a baby now on the way Billy had managed to convince me to give up my modeling career. Even though I was getting offered more money for more photo shoots now that I was pregnant. Billy thought it would be too stressful for the baby, I was at his mercy now.

Hormones convinced me that he knew best and that I had to put Billy's needs before mine so he wouldn't leave me to raise the child on my own. The punk in me was being smothered to death by the doting housewife that Billy was trying to turn me into. But that punk still screamed out how wrong all of this was, for fucks sake I'm not even his wife! How the hell could I be a housewife without even being a wife!

I spent most of my days alone and cleaning the house. I had managed to reorganize every record in our music room differently every day. I was even excited to see the mailman everyday and excited to rip open every bill, piece of junk mail, and the occasional slightly creepy fan letter for Billy that would go straight to the trash bin. My life had quickly become depressingly boring.

But today was different, the mailman came as usual only he brought an unexpected letter that I prayed was a joke. When I read the name on the letter my heart wanted to sink into my stomach and my stomach wanted to fall out of my ass.

Ignatius Madison, my brother, my parent's favorite child. He was the happy miracle while I was the horrible accident. I was the result of frisky parents who couldn't wait until their first child was born to conceive another. We were considered Irish twins, born less than a year apart. Ig could never do wrong in our parent's eyes and I could never do right.

I was always trouble, I was constantly being yelled out for acting out for "my parent's" attention. I was really acting out for my brother's attention and he was always happy to give it to me. Ignatius and I always acted like twins, we were inseparable until...well the accident happened. I was always blamed for it and always treated like shit for causing it. After that I ran away and never looked back.

Now I refused to open the letter. I was afraid of what my brother had to say. Whether it was good news or bad I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to drink the thoughts of my past away but I didn't want my unborn child to suffer for what I had done.

I left the letter unopened on the kitchen table and walked away from it. It was surprisingly easy for me to forget about it once it was out of sight. That is until Billy came home and saw the name on the envelope. I greeted him at the door like everyday with a smile on my face but that smile quickly faded when he picked up the letter.

"Ignatius Madison...Is that a coincidence?" Billy asked as he stared down at the envelope. I shook my head but kept my mouth shut. "Well go ahead. Open it then" Billy said as he handed the letter to me. I obeyed him like the good little lapdog that I was forced to become. I could feel the color rushing out of my face as I broke open the seal and pulled out the folded paper. My eyes quickly scanned each line written out in a perfect handwriting that could only be Ig's.

"So? What does it say?" Billy asked. I gulped and kept my eyes on the letter staring at it in disbelief. It had seemed like a life time since I left my family behind and truly it was. I had manage to live an entirely separate life with Johnny and The Sex Pistols than the life I was living now.

"Blair?" Billy asked pulling my mind away from the letter. "It's not important" I replied as I crumpled up the letter and the envelope. I tossed both to the floor before walking to the bedroom and collapsing face up on the bed. Ig would always be my brother, but the fact that he decided that now was the right opportunity to finally reach out disgusted me. There was a nine year period of time that Ignatius could have tried to contact me. He knew where I was the entire time, he even said so in his letter.

"Blair, this is important. Your brother is sick, he's dying" Billy said as he stood in the door way. I shook my head. "He's not dying. He probably just has a small cold. Ignatius always had a flare for the dramatic" I said as I continued to stare up at the unnaturally bright white ceiling.

"He always overreacts. Once he stubbed his toe on our kitchen table, the fucker limped around for a week thinking he broke his foot. His toe wasn't even broken it was just bruised and he thought he broke his entire foot from kicking the leg of the table" I said perfectly describing Iggy to a tee. Billy let out a loud string of laughs. It seemed like it had been ages since I had heard Billy's laugh. Things had turned so serious since our move to California. Billy sat down next to me and laced his fingers together with mine.

"You should go see him though" Billy suggested. "We should just keep the past where it belongs" I replied with a sigh. "And where is that?" Billy asked as he played with my fingers.

"In the past. There's no real future there with my family, not with my parents at least. Maybe there is with Ig but not now" I said as Billy nodded. He knew about my parents but he didn't know the full story. And I wasn't ready to tell him or anyone about the accident, not yet at least. I wasn't quite ready to face my past.