Start Again

Just Can't Get Enough

*Note: This is the end, beautiful friend. It's sad to say goodbye to something I've been working on for over a year, but all good things must come to an end. If you enjoyed reading Start Again even a quarter as much as I enjoyed writing it then that makes me so happy. Now I'll say for the last time on this book, read on and I hope you enjoy my lovelies*

Martin and I didn't sleep much that night. After having sex we stayed up talking. I told him what little he didn't already know about me and he told me everything about him from the time he was born to when we met. Somehow it seemed both odd and completely right that a man I knew nothing about only a few days ago had become such an important part of my life.

"Mart?" I called his name as he propped himself up on his elbow. "Yes, darling?" He asked making me blush at his choice of words.  I ran my fingers through his curly mop as I moved onto my side. "I really do love you" I said to him. He grinned at me and caressed my cheek. "I really do love you too" Martin replied. I leaned forward and gently pecked his lips.

"Tonight is the last show" Martin said as his eyes flickered between my face and the bed. "I know" I replied as I continued to watch his obvious nervousness. "What's on your mind, my love?" I asked now making Martin blush.

"Say that again" He begged me. Martin's beautifully imperfect teeth showed as he grinned at me. "What? You mean 'my love?'" I asked him as I furrowed my brows. He nodded in response. I placed my hand on his cheek and smiled back at him. "My love" I said making Martin beam with joy.

"Martin, my love, my darling, my beloved, my sweetheart" I continued just to see Martin's sweet smile stay on his face. "What's on your mind?" I asked again and quickly kissed him. Martin grabbed my hand off his cheek and started to play with my fingers. "We'll have three weeks off after this show before we start recording another album" He started. I nodded for him to continue.

"I was just thinking how you're only here for a couple of photo shoots and you have a flat back in New York" Martin said pausing again to see my response. "And?" I pushed for him to go on. "Does that mean you're going back to New York after?" He asked. I hadn't thought about what I would do. At first I was planning on staying in England for a while to get away from Billy, but now with him not being an issue I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

"I don't know, but I don't want to live in that apartment anymore" I said shrugging my shoulders. "Well....what if we got a place together?" Martin nervously asked as his green eyes held my gaze. I stared at him, thinking about everything that we had been through together in the past few days.

I didn't want to lose what I had with Martin and if I went back to New York, to my flat filled with memories of Billy Idol and Richard Butler, I was afraid that I wouldn't see him again. He would continue his musical career with Depeche Mode and I would continue my modeling career, possibly never crossing paths again.

"Where would we get a place?" I asked curious. "Anywhere you'd like" Martin replied. I bit the inside of my cheek as I threw the idea of living together around in my head. "You don't think it's too soon?" I asked as Martin intertwined his fingers with mine. He shook his head making his blonde curls bounce.

"No, I don't think so. Everything else between us has happened so fast and I don't think anything is wrong with that" Martin said, now I was the nervous one. I didn't want to ruin what we had and part of me was afraid if we took this step it would mess everything up. The other part of me was confident that our love was strong and could survive anything if need be.

"Then let's get a place together, a house, a flat, I don't care what. I don't even care where we live as long as I'm with you" I said making Martin beam with joy again. "We'll get a flat for now. Maybe we'll even talk about marriage and children one day" He replied and kissed my forehead. I pulled away from Martin and stared at him with wide eyes and mouth hanging open.

"Too soon?" He asked noticing my expression. I kept quiet and continued to stare at him. "I'm sorry, Blair. I didn't mean to scare you" Martin said and frowned. I shook my head quickly.

"No, no, Martin, you didn't scare me. I was just.....startled. I don't think I've given the idea of marriage or children much thought lately" I replied. The idea of having a somewhat normal life with a husband and children hadn't crossed my mind. At one point I had desperately wanted both, or at least Billy had convinced me that I did without letting me decide on my own.

"Would you maybe one day want to be Mr and Mrs Martin Lee Gore?" He asked. I pursed my lips together as I thought. The possibility of being Blair Gore sounded a lot better than being Blair Broad ever did. "Blair M Gore" I said out loud as a small smile crept onto my face.

"What's the M for?" Martin asked. "There was a mistake on my birth certificate" I replied and shook my head. "So what is it?" Martin asked as he moved closer to me. "It's Madison" I admitted embarrassed. Martin smiled as he tried to hold back his laughter.

"Blair Madison Madison?" He asked letting a few chuckles slip through. "Yes, I know, thank you. It's all very funny" I said and rolled my eyes as I turned my back to him. "I'm sorry, love" Martin said as he wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my shoulder before nuzzling his head into my neck. Martin's blonde mess off hair sat covering half of my face. We laid in silence for a few minutes before a thought crossed my mind.

"You're not asking me right now, right?" I asked. Martin lifted up his head before looking down at me confused. "To marry you, you're not asking me right now, right?" I asked again. He smiled at me before shaking his head. "Not right now. I'm just letting you know that I will, maybe soon" Martin replied. I smiled back at him.

"I think I like the idea of being Blair Madison Gore and Martin Lee Gore" I said making Martin grin widely. "What about Germany? We could get a flat there?" He asked. I bit the inside of my cheek again. "I took German one year in high school, but I don't think I know nearly enough to live there" I said frowning.

"Well I know a little, we can lean together. If you'd like?" Martin asked as he looked down at me. His vibrant green eyes were filled with so much love and hope for our future that it made my heart skip a beat. "Okay, Germany it is, Martin" I replied feeling my heart full of the same love and hope for Martin and myself.

When he looked at me it made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. Martin had entered my life at a point when it would've been easy for me to shut down and slip back into old habits. He had been supportive when he could've easily left me to deal with my problems on my own.

After all my poor luck in relationships, here was a man that was eager to spend the rest of his life with me and I was just as eager to do the same. I willing gave my all to him and he had done the same. Even if we struggled and faced hard times we would do it together. For once I was hopeful that things would turn out well.