Start Again

The Accident

*Note: Yikes! I didn't realize how long this chapter was. Well I hope you enjoy despite this chapter being a book itself .*

Billy didn't come to the hospital. He didn't even know I was in the hospital. He didn't even know that our baby was gone. I was released from the hospital and went home alone. Johnny and Steve both offered to keep me company but for once I actually wanted to be alone.

When Billy came home he went through his usual routine. He stumbled his way through the house until he made his way to our bedroom. Billy bumped into the bed before leaning down to plant a sloppy kiss on my cheek. This time I moved away from him.

"Blair, what's gotten into you?" Billy asked as he chuckled to himself. He sat down on the edge of the bed and struggled to kick off his shoes, blissfully unaware of the events that took place for myself earlier. "I spent the entire day in the hospital and my fiance, remember that?" I asked as I held up my left hand and wiggled my ring finger at him.

The engagement ring was present in its space more than Billy was present in our house. At this point the ring seemed to symbolizes nothing except a daily struggle to keep Billy in our house, and in my life, for more than five minutes.

"My fiance didn't even know I was there!" I yelled. "Hospital?" Billy asked in a panic. I scoffed.

"That's what I said" I replied not bothering to hide my annoyance. "Is the baby okay?" Billy asked as he placed his hand on my noticeably smaller stomach. I pushed his hand away from me.

"No, he is not okay. There is no baby anymore. But you would've known that if you were there" I quietly said. Billy didn't reply. He silently changed before laying in bed next to me. It felt like someone had built a wall in the middle of our bed. I stayed on my side and Billy stayed on his.

As if losing the baby the day before wasn't enough to deal with, when going through the mail I found another letter from my brother. I didn't want to open his first letter let alone his second one. Idiotically I left it on the kitchen table.

"Blair!" Billy yelled from the kitchen. I was in the music room like always and could barely hear him over the music. He called my name again as he stood in the doorway. I pulled the needle off the record and mentally prepared myself for an argument based on how he yelled my name. Billy was holding the letter out for me to take.

"What's that?" I asked pretending, and wishing, that I never saw the letter. "Another from your brother" He replied and shook the envelope at me. I walked over and took the letter from him before ripping it open and gawking down at the news.

"What is it this time?" Billy asked curiously. I sighed and folded the paper before placing it back in the envelope. "He's in the hospital. Apparently he has a massive infection" I said as my eyes flickered between the letter and Billy's face.

"An infection where?" Billy asked. I hated that he chose now to be the curious and caring boyfriend/fiance. "In his leg. It's always given him problems since he uh.....had it amputated" I admitted. Billy's shock was clear on his face at the new information.

"Amputated?" He asked as his eyebrows stitched together in confusion. I guess now was the best time to tell Billy about the accident, not that there would ever be a best time for the story.

"There's...something I never told you about why I left my family behind" I started to say before stopping and struggling to choke back tears. Billy took my hand in his and led me over to the couch. We both sat down before Billy held both of my hands in his and nodded for me to continue.

"When I was sixteen my brother and I went to a party at one of his friend's houses. There was alcohol there and I had had a little too much to drink, even though I was supposed to drive us back. So instead Ig drove us and he had been drinking too. When we were driving we both started to fall asleep, I was struggling to stay awake and I never noticed that Iggy fallen asleep" Tear were now steadily flowing down my face. Talking about it brought back every emotion, but I continued.

"I remember feeling a sharp pain on the side of my head and it feeling really warm after. The pain woke me up and when I did I saw what happened. Ig fell asleep and drove off the road straight into a ditch. The car was smashed on the driver's side and so was Ig's leg. It had to be cut off from just below his knee. My parents blamed me for not being able to drive back and not being awake to wake up Iggy, I blame myself too" I finished and took a deep breath in, finally feeling a small weight being lifted off my shoulders.

"You should go see him" Billy said. I nodded. The problem wasn't between Ig and myself, it was between my parents and I. As long as I could avoid them the visit wouldn't be too bad. But of course they were at the bedside of their favorite child. Confrontation was unavoidable.

"Look who's finally come back" My father bitterly said as I entered the hospital room. He looked like an old dried up prune, and he was. For a place I hated I sure was spending a lot of time in and out of hospitals for various reasons. "I didn't come back for you. I came back for my brother I coldly said as I walked past him and my mother to be closer to Iggy. A light haired man standing on the other side of the bed caught my attention.

"Who's this?" I asked looking down at Iggy for a response. "I'm David, I'm Ig's" The man started to say before my brother quickly cut him off. "My room mate. He's my room mate" Ig said. I raised one eyebrow as I looked between the man and my brother. Room mates my ass, there was something else.

"Could you give us a moment? I want to talk to Blair alone, there's something I want to tell her" Ig said before everyone left the room. It was just Iggy and myself, like when we were kids. "So what did you want to tell me?" I asked him as I crossed my arms already half knowing what he was going to say.

"I'm gay" My brother said singing the word gay. I smirked. "You're so called room mate is a little more than just a room mate right?" I asked. He nodded as I chuckled.

"Yeah and mom and dad don't know" Iggy said. "About the room mate or the gay part?" I asked. "The gay part" He replied. Talking with Iggy was easy, there was no awkwardness and no hate between us. It was like I had never left to England.

"So....you have one leg and you're gay....I guess that makes you" I said before being cut off by my brother. "A gay pirate, I knew you would say it" He said and smiled as he shook his head. It was too easy of a joke and I couldn't resist. I chuckled and nudged him with my elbow. Iggy smirked and elbowed me back before laughing with me.

"I missed this" He said and smiled. "I did too" I replied as I placed my hands on the metal railing on the bed. "You know the accident changed everything, I still blame myself for it" I said and frowned down at my hands. The conversation was unavoidable and hung over both of our heads.

"So do mom and dad, but I don't. I was driving. I only have myself to blame" Iggy said and placed one of his hands on top of mine. I didn't respond, the accident was a hard subject to talk about.

"So David? What kind of a boring name is David?" I teased as I changed the subject. "The same kind of boring name Billy is or Johnny is" He jabbed back. I let out a loud laugh before quickly covering my mouth.

"You bastard" I said trying to sound hurt and offended. A smile quickly spread on my face. "So what do you do for a living?" I asked trying to catch up with my brother. 

"I don't want to tell you" Ig said and turned his head away from me. "Why not?" I said and elbowed him again. "You'll laugh, I can already hear your sarcastic comments" He said and rolled his eyes. Ig knew that I would always find a way to make fun of him, he always did the same to me.

"Oh come on, Ig" I begged him. "I'm a fashion designer" He replied. I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing. My mind quickly filled with things I could say.

"See!" He said. "I didn't say anything" I said and held up my hands in defense. My brother sighed as I dropped my hands. "How did they not know you were gay?" I asked. My brother laughed and playfully pushed me away from him.