Start Again

Catch My Fall

*Note: Guuuuuys what the faaaaaak! I have no idea what happened! I just completely forgot to write anything! I'm so disappointed in myself and I'm so sorry! But I will be posting another chapter tomorrow so hang in lovelies. Enjoy and please forgive me!*

I didn't protest when Billy put me on the back of his motorcycle or when he brought me back to his house. I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore. I sat on the couch with him, my head against his shoulder and his thumb gently moving across my hip.

I moved on my own for the first time since breaking down in the hospital. I placed my hand on Billy's bare chest and sighed as I closed my eyes. I moved my hand across his chest and felt the unusual feeling of stubble against my palm.

"You shaved your chest" I quietly said as I opened my eyes and looked up at Billy. His icy blue eyes scanned my face before he replied. "You don't like it?" Billy asked. He placed his hand over mine and held it tightly against his chest as if he was afraid I would bolt out the door and out of his life again.

I quickly glanced at the door and considered leaving. If Billy's grip on my hand or on my waist wasn't as tight as it was, I just might've ran out the door for the second time. I'd forgotten that Billy had just asked me anything and was snapped out of my thoughts by him calling my name. He left go of my hand and lifted up my chin so I was looking into his blue eyes.

"What did you ask me?" I asked, now remembering how easy it was to forget something as simple as breathing under Billy's gaze. He placed his hand on top of mine and moved it across his chest again. "I asked if you liked it or not" Billy said as my cheeks flushed a bright red. I took in a shaky breath before answering.

"It's just an odd feeling" I replied honestly. It was all an odd feeling, but somehow still familiar. How could it be possible for everything to feel so different and still be the same? My gaze dropped from Billy's and fell to my hand on his chest. He held my chin up and again began to scan my face. It felt like he was looking for something in my expression, maybe he was looking for any sign or regret I felt for leaving.

"What are you doing?" I asked as my eyebrows knitted together. Billy chuckled and placed his hand on my cheek. "Blair, relax. I'm not doing anything" He said smiling. Billy dropped his hand from my cheek and shifted uncomfortably.

"So..um" Billy started before he cleared his throat. I nodded at him to continue. "You and Richard Butler? What's...what's going on there?" He asked as he moved his thumb across my hip again.

"Nothing" I replied. "Actually, that's a lie. It's not nothing it's something...I guess. I don't know, I'm not really sure" I was rambling and it was obvious. Part of me was afraid of how Billy would react when I told him the truth. The other part of me didn't care, we weren't together so why did it matter? Billy called my name and squeezed my hip to stop me from rambling anymore.

"We've been on a few of dates and I slept with him" I confessed. I was waiting for a reaction from him, but Billy said nothing. He was quiet for a while before he took a deep breath. "You had sex with him" Billy repeated. I nodded and waited for him to say something else.

"Once?" He asked. I looked away from Billy and shook my head. "Twice?" He asked. Once again I shook my head. "How many times then?" Billy asked. I took a deep breath before sighing.

"I don't know, a handful of times. Why does it matter?" I asked masking the fear in my voice with false annoyance. "It doesn't" He replied. Billy smiled before he kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes as his lips touched my skin.

I had built myself back up from my emotional crash that took place during my breakup with Billy. I was independent again, I didn't need anyone around to tell me what I could or couldn't do. But in that moment everything came crashing down again.

Billy had me right where he wanted me and I was putty in his hands. I knew I should've ran for the door when I had the chance, but even as Billy had his lips on my forehead something begged me to stay.

He kissed my temple, my cheek, and my jaw before finally reaching my lips. I melted into his body from the kiss. With one quick move I was laying on my back with Billy hovering between my legs.

The day I walked out of Billy's house I never pictured myself being back here again. Or back in this same house once again having sex with Billy. In the time I left I felt nothing but hate for him, but now it was different. I wanted nothing more than to be naked under his body on the sleek leather couch and that was exactly where I was.

Nothing mattered anymore. All the harsh words between the two of us melted away as Billy began kissing the exposed skin of my bare breasts. He pulled back and scanned my unclothed body as I did the same to him. Billy changed very little in the time I knew him, this time was no different. The only change to him was his light complexion had become a shade tanner since I saw him last.

My eyes met his bright blue eyes again. He was gazing down at me with a look in his eyes that reminded me of the blond heartthrob back in his Generation X days. Those days we used to shag in the bathrooms and corners of clubs without caring who saw us. It was a look I hadn't seen in Billy's eyes since a few months after we moved to Los Angeles.

I let out an incredibly loud moan as Billy quickly thrust into me. My head fell back onto the leather couch as my eyes closed. My entire body felt as if it had gone numb and for a second I thought I had passed out.

"Blair" Billy whispered as he stroked my cheek. His face was inches from mine as I opened my eyes again. "I'm fine" I assured him and gave him a small smile. I was fine, for the first time in a bit.

All the angry I had been bottling up for the past few months was gone. I wasn't worried that I would bump into anyone from my past and have to either choose to run away from them or fix my issues.

Although I was happy right now I knew it was only temporary. Things for Billy and I never seemed to last long. Together our highs were very high and our lows were rock bottom. It was hard for us to find a happy medium.

I had to hit my own rock bottom and finding out my brother was dying was it. Right now Billy was my happy medium. Being alone with him again, in what once again felt like our house, felt like bliss.