His Angel

Chapter Twenty

The snow crunched under my feet as I slammed the car door, hugging my coat tighter to my body. The thin envelopes of paper in my hand felt like a ton of bricks, weighing me down so I felt like I was toppling over.

      I let out a deep breath, my hair blowing in the breeze before I started walking. The graveyard was quiet, which really wasn’t all that surprising, it was Christmas day. Israel had told me that he had Cas buried in a graveyard in Aberdeen; he thought it was where I would want him.

        He was right, Aberdeen was my home now.

       I searched the engraving on the headstones, brushing snow from some of them. There wasn’t one that screamed out to me, which yelled ‘Hey, it’s me! Your brother, Cas!’

       He was up closer to the front, among all the other new graves. The brown dirt was covered in snow, making it seem more . . . peaceful.

       I plopped down on the snow, ignoring the wetness that seeped through my pants.

       Here lies Cassiel, loved brother, son and friend to many.

      May you live on forever in our memories.

      My eyes stung as I ran my hand over the grave. No date was written and I suppose Israel didn’t feel like lying on his grave.

       I saw people talk to their dead family members in the movies all the time but I felt . . . awkward.

      I sniffed, running a hand over my face, “Hey, Cas.” I spoke softly, “I don’t know if you can see what’s going on down here, wherever it is that you are, but things are going pretty good. I’m still with Xavier, I’m sure your happy ‘bout that.” I laughed, sniffling and shaking my head.

      My heart squeezed painfully and I gripped the letters tighter in my hands, “I miss you, big bro.” I mumbled quietly, “I want you back, I want you here with me and I know that’s not possible.”

       I sighed, ripping my hand through my hair, “Look, I brought these letters for you and instead of complaining about my problems, it might be better if I read them too you.”

        I grabbed the envelope, ripping it open and taking out the first one, “Okay, so, this is the one I wrote to Xavier, you know, the day I left to join you. Anyways, here it goes:

         Dear Xavier,

           If you’ve found this letter than you’ve obviously noticed my departure. First off, I would like to say I’m sorry, so damn sorry. I haven’t been truthful about most things, okay; I haven’t been truthful about hardly anything and, I’m sorry.

           One thing we need to be clear on is that you can’t come after me. I don’t care, Xavier. No matter what you don’t come after me. Not that you’d even be able to find me. For now, I’m safe and that’s all that you need to know. I’m with people who will protect me, people who I’ve known awhile. Cas will be here with me and we both know he won’t let anything hurt me.

           Okay, back to the reason why I left in the first place. I’m going to have to be a little vague on this answer but basically I couldn’t keep putting you and the pack in danger. Staying there would be selfish, none of this has anything to do with you and I won’t put you in danger. I love you too much for that.

          Remember when I first told you about my arrangement with Gabriel? Well anyways, the person who’s making me do that has been controlling my life for far too long now and quite frankly, I’m done with it. In my world, there is no say in opinion. You follow the Order and keep your opinions to yourselves. I’m fighting against this organization and, well to be honest, they don’t like that.