Secrets

Unwanted Reminders

So the next day dawned, and I had decided I was going to take some time out and take it easy round the pool at the hotel. I'd been busy texting Laura the night before telling her not to worry about me, I was okay and that I would come back to the track soon. But only when I was ready. I did however have to wonder if I ever would be.

I'd been lounging by the pool, getting unwanted Flashbacks from my time in Italy.

"Is he your boyfriend?" a gentle yet croaky voice asked me as I resurfaced back where I started. I looked to my left to see an older lady in a black swimming costume sitting on the edge of the pool submerging her feet in the cool water. She flicked her glance up to where the guys were sitting, and I followed it, seeing Nico sitting on his lounger, leaning his elbows on his knees as he looked over at me. He smiled at me, so I returned it, "No, he's just a friend" I replied kindly to the lady. "Oh well," she chuckled a little, "I think you may have an admirer there young lady" she smiled at me. I blushed and smiled a little at her, "do you like him?" she asked me, I was quite surprised that she was asking that, yet I didn't find it rude. I smiled instantly, "Ahh, say no more" she winked at me, making me giggle a little more. "Well my dear, I think you should let him know" she advised, "he's been watching you all the time he's been over there. Even when he's been talking to those friends of yours" she said, making me laugh. I looked back over to him again, and sure enough he was talking to Paul, yet stealing glances at me when he thought no one was looking. "Oh, I don't think I could do that" I turned back to the lady. She smiled at me, leaning towards me, in turn I moved a little closer to her, "listen." She whispered at me, "When I was a lot younger, about your age, I met a gentleman who was everything I wanted, tall, dark, handsome, the whole shebang, but I never told him. we had been friends for years, and I held back my feelings for him, then he went off to war" she sighed, "I never saw him again, until the war ended, 6 years later, and he was with a girl, married too." she looked down into the water, "don't get me wrong, I've had a happy life, had an incredible husband, children...but I still sometimes look back and wish I had told him. Maybe things wouldn't have worked out anyway, but at least I would be at peace with it that I had confessed my love for him." she said, seeming that the tale she was telling me still pulled on her heart strings a whole lot. I felt for her, wondering how that must feel. "I'm sorry to hear that" I said softly. She smiled at me kindly, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, even if he didn't return the feelings, at least you can walk away knowing so, and not wondering what if for the rest of your life"

My heart squeezed tight. He never once acted in a way for me to doubt him. Not even for the brief moments I was around him so far this week. But I suppose the lady was right, at least I had told him, and the brief time we had together I loved. Even if it was a lie.

I bit back the tears that filled my eyes and quickly turned on my ipod. Music was always a good distraction. Usually. Not today though, typically. I groaned as the song started. Those familiar violin notes, the jolly sea shanty. 'Rather Be' by Clean Bandit and Jess Glynn was my favourite track to listen to when I was at the F1. Any F1 race. It put me in my happy place. But today, it just reminded me of all those things that weren't mine anymore.

I skipped a couple of tracks, opting to channel my anger instead, so on came Eminem. I layed back and closed my eyes, soaking up the beats that seaped into my ears. It seemed to be the first time I shut off from all of the crap that was going on around me, but as usual, that wouldn't be for long.

...........

What seemed like hours that had passed, was only about two, and I hadn't realised that for half of that time I had fallen asleep. With my sunglasses on. I hoped to God I didn't have tan lines on my bloody face! So I decided to roll over and give my back some of the golden rays.

After settling back down and unfastening my bikini straps, I decided to check my phone. I had been quite happy to ignore the thing over the last 24 hours, but something was making me check. I wished I hadn't.

You have 5 twitter notifications
You have 3 missed calls
You have 3 messages

Naturally my heart skipped in a panic, I never liked to see that many missed calls but something told me that they were to do with those twitter notifications. That didn't bode well.

2 missed calls from Laura
1 missed call from Nico

Messages

Laura: hope you're okay today xxx

Laura: not sure you'd want to know what's going round the paddock... Amy's been following Nico everywhere. Apparently they're not actually together. She's been practically stalking him Xxx

Nico: I know you don't want to talk to me. But I need to explain. I saw you with Kimi yesterday too. That killed me. Please don't ignore me forever. I miss you. Nico xxxxx

My heart broke all over again at reading his message. I missed him so much. Everything that happened, every experience I had without him made me want to tell him about it. I missed his texts, his calls, his voice. I missed him. It had only been one day and I hated it.

But then I looked back at the messages off Laura. Could I believe the rumours that went around the paddock? Why would there be rumours they weren't together when her actions would suggest otherwise? But then I thought back to Nico's reaction in the cafeteria. He didn't look happy. But even if it was true and she'd been 'stalking' him, why didn't he just tell me instead of lying about it? It would have saved so much heartache. Maybe I did need to talk to him.

My guts rolled over at the thought of seeing him again. I wasn't ready for that. I needed time to think about it. So I opened up my twitter app.

@HulkHulkenberg: everything was perfect 2days ago. Let me go back #missher

Jumparound247: can't wait to see @swiss_roll22 in @HulkHulkenberg's garage this weekend! #shecool #favouritecouple #HulkitOut #AbuDhabi

@HulkHulkenberg: If only Jumparound247 #wishfulthinking #missher #favouritecouple @swiss_roll22

busted_diva: me too! @swiss_roll22 @HulkHulkenberg #favouritecouple

magic_poop47: Me thrice! #Nictoria #F1 #favouritecouple @swiss_roll22 @HulkHulkenberg

@agirlwholovesrain :what?! she's at this race too?  Gotta love #Nictoria @swiss_roll22 @HulkHulkenberg #favouritecouple   

I smiled at the people's comments, generally warmed by their sweetness. Even though we actually hadnt really become 'official' yet, everyone seemed to know about us. Would that mean they knew about Amy? Uh, it felt disgusting just saying her name. I sighed, I was surprised to see the tweet from Nico though. Now I was confused. But I guess the only way he could get to even try and talk to me was by text or twitter. I needed to get this sorted out.