Secrets

Answers Part II

Sorry if this seems a bit jumbled, rewrote some of it at like 2am, still not sure I'm happy with it! Hope it doesn't disappoint too much...

NICO'S POV

I ran a hand through my hair, I'd spent hours trying to decide how best to explain the situation to her, but now I was finally sitting with her, I just couldn't come up with the words. I couldn't actually believe she was sitting beside me. She looked amazing in that dress. She always did, but tonight, there was just something even more radiant about her. I just wanted so badly to touch her, kiss her. I'd missed her more than I could describe.

"Firstly, there isn't anything going on between me and Amy" I told her, looking up into her eyes. "When you left Italy after the race, a friend called me and asked me why Amy was back in the paddock. I didn't know anything about it, I thought he was mistaken. But then I saw her after the team dinner, she was hanging out with one of my mechanics, waiting for me." I sighed nervously, none of this sounded good. "she wanted to see me, it had been a few years since we dated, I thought it would be okay to just have a drink with her, as friends" I added. I could see the doubt in Victoria's face. I knew she didn't want to hear this and I didn't want to tell her. But I had to.

"we ended up at a bar a few blocks down from the hotel. We had a drink and talked. I told her about you" I couldn't help but smile at the thought of telling the world how I felt about her, but that didn't matter, all she could hear was me having a drink with my ex. "she spoke about what she was doing nowadays and it was all pretty cool. I wanted to leave so I could call you, and as I was about to get up, she grabbed my hand..."

"you kissed her didn't you" Victoria interrupted me. I looked down to my lap, I couldn't bear looking at her "she kissed me" I admitted. "how is it different!?" she asked, the emotion thick in her voice. "because I didn't want to." I quickly replied, not wanting to replay the event in my mind. "she grabbed my hand and when I looked to her, she was just there, kissing me. It was a peck on the lips" I added, stupidly hoping it made a difference.

I noticed she tried to discreetly wipe a tear off her cheek. My fingers itched to do that for her. I so badly wanted to touch her and hold her. "I pulled away as soon as she had done it. I told her I didn't want that. I didn't want her. And I left"

"so why the hell was she there in the paddock this week then?! Why were you with her everytime I have seen you" she asked me, I could see the anger rising out of her. "I really don't believe that's all it was Nico."
"I promise you, I did not kiss her back. The next day, she turned up at my hotel. She apologised. I decided to let it go, and that was that." I glanced up at her, she was staring out to sea, her cheeks stained with silent tears.

"So she just left?" she asked, sounding like she didn't believe a word of it, staring at her fingers as she fiddled with the strap of her purse. "She left the hotel, but she was calling me all the time, messaging me" I swallowed, "she then turned up at the next couple of races..." Victoria's head snapped round to look at me, fury in her face, I grew increasingly anxious that she was going to push me off this boat...

"She managed to get into the paddock, I assume from someone she knows from the time she spent here with me. She would hang around waiting at my hotel, places in the paddock people could see her. I didn't want anyone thinking I was back with her, or that I was doing wrong by you, so I would tell her to leave, or wait for me somewhere so I could talk to her, make her believe I didn't want her. But meeting her made her think otherwise. I was so foolish" I shook my head thinking of my actions. "when she burst into my private room when I was with you, I honestly thought I had gotten rid of her, I would never have let that happen if I knew she was around. I wanted to keep you so far away from her." I added.

"I thought I could handle it myself. Get through to her. But she kept telling me she wanted me. That she still loved me" I swallowed, my mouth seemed to suddenly be incredibly dry.
"what?!" Victoria gasped, causing a few looks from the people on the boat. I nodded, looking down away from her gaze. I sighed in frustration at the memory of Amy suddenly coming back into my life. "I was desperate to tell you, but I was scared you'd think I was cheating on you. I was scared that if you knew she was here you'd break up with me" I confessed, feeling the tears well up inside. I looked to her again, seeing the sadness in her eyes, I really had fucked this up, but I was determined to make it right.

"So after tonight, before I came here, I went to Vijay. Obviously he saw what had happened. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle it on my own. I was losing you and I didn't want to lose focus on my racing...So I went to Vijay and told him everything. He's had her removed and banned." I sighed with relief. 

We stayed silent for what felt like an age, but then she finally spoke up, albeit so quietly. "So you dealt with all that crazy for 8 weeks on your own?" She asked. I nodded. "are you crazy?!" she asked, I lightly chuckled. "I guess maybe I am." I answered. "I was so scared of telling you and losing you. I couldn't bare that." I told her, looking back to her beautiful face. "this passed week I ended up cracking and telling Mathew, my trainer, and he told me I needed to tell the boss." I admitted. "But I didn't have the guts. Until it was too late." I sighed, looking away from her. "Everything's ruined." I sighed, feeling a rogue tear trickle down my cheek. "It isn't ruined Nico." 

I looked to her, after trying to wipe away my tears, "Nothing has changed for you. You'll still get in your beautiful car and race. You have no worries anymore" she shrugged. "What about us?" I asked, the only question that I cared about. The only thing that was on my mind. She shrugged. "I don't know Nico. It's still a lot to come to terms with. I know you've explained it all to me, but I feel like I have so many questions." she sighed, looking back at me, "I'm hurt that you didn't think you could tell me. I know we haven't known each other long at all, but I thought you'd be able to talk to me about it." she carried on. "I can't just jump back in to how we were. I don't know you enough to just trust what you say is true."

"I can answer all the questions you have, please, let me try" I answered her, I was determined to win her back. I just had to. "not right now Nico, I need a break from all this" she said, shaking her head. "All I've had is this craziness since I got here. I just want to finally enjoy some time here, if you saying she has gone is true" she told me, to which I nodded frantically. "yes, she's gone. I promise" I replied, fighting the urge to take her hand in mine. She nodded back at me, "okay." she sighed, "let's go and throw Kimi overboard for trapping us here" she said with a smile. I chuckled. "doesn't sound like such a bad idea."