The Darkness of Life

Soul Light

It is something that I hold quite dear to me and my life even depends on it. You see, I hide it in my soul where no one can find it. It's light. My light that shines even in my darkest of times.

You see, I suffer most days from demons that cannot be caught nor can they be seen. But I can see them, and feel them, and yes sometimes even hear them. They bore into my soul and scratch at the core for that is where my light resides. They want it gone, to have nothing but darkness inside.

Everyday is a battle between my soul and those demons. A battle between light and dark that never ends. Even when God is on my side, they do not fear him for it is not his soul they long for, but mine. The light is the key, and this door remains locked, but once the key is gone, darkness follows. An abyss opens up and swallows me whole.

This is where Hell resides. In the darkest corners of our beings where no light has ever shown before. I recognize it every time I enter, this place is where I have fallen and found comfort in times of harm. The demons fill my soul with sorrow, hatred and betrayal to the point that I am no longer happy nor determined in my life. I do not find peace but only torture where my heart is slowly ripped apart, tearing off layer by layer.

I know this feeling, for I have welcomed it for many years. In family issues where I have cried silently feeling each tear roll off my cheek, in break ups where I have cursed the very being that has brought me this hatred. When my demons slowly took me over and tried to convince me to take their belt, and hug my neck with it's warmth until I joined them. But never did I.

For at the very end of the abyss, a dim light started to appear. My light, the very core of my soul. I pulled away from those demons and walked towards that light. Watching it hover over the ground and then feeling the true warmth it brought when my hands held it from the underneath. I slowly hold it close to my chest and allow it to seep into my body, reach into my soul and take it's rightful place in my heart. For the first time in many years I could breathe, I could see and feel.

I saw this horrible world I had made my home, my sanctuary. With the only strength I had, I gathered my courage and climbed out of the abyss, out of my Hell. As I climbed the walls, the demons screamed and crawled until they caught me in their grasps. I fought them off with the spirit I had and kept climbing. I finally could see the end of the tunnel. The light at the end. It was my light, shining ever so brightly, filling me with warmth and love.

I made it out. Out of the abyss, out of the Hell I had created. When I looked down I see all of the demons, all of my creations, wanting and waiting for their next turn to strike and go for the kill.

When I look up, I could finally feel the cool breeze, the warm sun and the sweet smell of flowers. I was free. But deep inside my soul, I knew that my light was still targeted and my demons would not let me go so easily. I still fight them, they're in my head and in my heart but my light still shines forever more, showing my scars but also my strength.