The Darkness of Life

He Will Never Understand...

Will this be my last writing?

I do not know...

I haven't written in months

Since my feelings didn't grow.

There are so many days that I wish to see you one more time

Wish to speak to you and ask what happened.

I put on a face in front of people

But only those who are close to me know how I truly feel.

I have been able to control my emotions and feelings toward the subject.

Many times I wanted to go to the place we met, but was afraid to see you.

Finally I got the courage to go and saw you weren't there.

I was told that you were gone but my response was I didn't care.

But to tell you the truth, I was hoping to see you.

I knew it was my fault but my heart wanted to see you one last time.

I will graduate soon and will not be able to go there anymore.

Everyone I know will become a distant friend, as you will too.

I am told by my friends to move on, he wasn't worth it.

I sadly agree with them and try to make myself move on.

But it never works for my heart doesn't want to let go.

I will have dreams with you in them, I will cry from the pain.

I try to tell myself that he's gone and moved on and I should do the same.

But my memories will not allow it...

My memories...

The very things that are causing this pain.

I wish to remove them from my mind, from my life.

But when I want to, I remember the times...

When my anxiety was lowered just from his touch.

When we would hug, it was like the world didn't matter and it was just us.

When we touched, I get shivers everywhere and didn't want them to end.

It may have looked like I just wanted him physically but truth was I didn't like him for his body.

I liked him because he could make me smile, laugh, be weird and feel like I belonged.

Whenever we were close, I knew nothing could go wrong.

I liked him for his personality. His quirkiness.

He was a guy that may have hurt people like a lion, but to me he was a broken lovable kitten.

We both needed someone and I thought we found them.

But in the end...it didn't last. We fell hard then the floor decided to break.

We parted our own ways and lost each other.

No one will ever know how much space in my heart he took. How it was so hard to tell him those 4 little words but once they were said...my heart would burst with life.

He will never know how much I regretted telling him those hurtful words on that last day.

How I want to take it all back...but I can't.

I didn't want to hurt him for he has gone through so much pain already...put alas in the end my fear became a realization... I had hurt my best friend..

He will never know how much I actually loved him.

He will never know that I still love him today...but we must move on some day.

I don't know when that day will come, but until then...I hope he remains happy.

Just like I always wanted him to be....

Happy....