The Darkness of Life

My Fear

It's not you, it never was you. It was always me. I remained in fear, remained in the darkness. You tried to help, you gave your all, but I stayed a coward and ran.

My fear is not anyone's to bear. It's mine and mine only. I don't let anyone fight it nor do I let them see it. I dont get close enough for them to see it. When my fear is on the verge of being revealed, I run.

Where do I run? No where but back into myself. I run back to my darkness, back to my stone wall. When I am back, I will raise the wall 30 feet and build it twice as thick. My fear will stay close to me. I will no longer get close to anyone, or anything.

Once everything is blocked off, I will become a stone, unaffected by anything. I will no longer hurt anyone and my fear will stay in comfort. No one will know of this fear and they never will understand it. For when my fear becomes reality, it intensifies and grows and consumes me.

For those who are closest to me, you will never see the real me. You will only see what I want to show. For if I showed the real me, you would see my fear and laugh at the ridiculousness of it. I cannot bear to see nor feel that...

So I walk around in this world, hiding this fear. Hiding it from my family, my friends, and you. I'll never be close to anyone, and that's not anyone's fault. It's my choice to keep my fear from becoming a reality.

So please understand, if I run, it's not from you. It's from myself, from my fear. Because in the end, I will always want to keep you safe from this, even if it means corrupting my soul to keep my fear from becoming real...