P.I.E Meets Gravity Falls (Being Rewritten)

The Stan Man Chapter

--Stan's POV--

Ford and I crept back into the mall. After scouting outside for awhile, we agreed that they were taking too long and decided to check up on them. They were pretty close to the entrance, and they were just talking. They didn't notice us until I picked up Mabel and Dipper.

"Oh. Hi, guys." Ghost said, "weren't you scouting the perimeter?"

"We got bored," I replied, smiling.

"Okay!" Spooker drifted down a bit to talk to us, "Toast and Wendy aren't here. There was a dead guy, though." Ford and I instantly looked to Ghost, who looked offended.

"I had nothing to do with it!" He protested, crossing his arms. McGucket and Mabel looked sincerely confused but kept their mouths shut.

"Yeah, Thally killed him," Spencer said. "Hith name was Robbie, according to Dipper. Motht hith organth were ripped out, but with the Walking Dead logic, he could thtill come back ath a zombie."

"Didn't need that last part..." I said, putting down Mabel and Dipper. "So where to next?"

Ghost thought about it, "We still need to find Toast-"

"-And Wendy!" Dipper said, cutting in.

"OOOR We could just find Toast and call over Officer Maloney," Spooker said, looking to Ghost.

"NO BIRDS." Ghost protested loudly, "I LIKE MY SKIN ON MY BODY, THANK YOU."

"Birdth don't EAT people you abtholute nerd! That wath jutht a short thtory from th' 1950s." Spencer said, sizing up to him.

"Wasn't it also a movie?" Ford asked.

"I don't thpeak of that crap." Spencer said, "th' written verthion wath much better. More thuspenthe."

"Fewer people getting EATEN ALIVE." Ghost said, raising his voice.

"... No... There wath jutht leth graphic thingth talked about... Th' whole world wath thtill eaten..." Spencer said. Ghost looked ready to throw up.

"So are we bringing over Maloney or not?" Mabel said, trying to loosen the suspense.

"Fine." Ghost mumbled, "as long as he doesn't go all 'bird' on me..."

"Alright! So how are we going to go about doing this?" Dipper looked at everyone, and Spooker just held up his stuffed cat.

"Kitty'll do it!" He smiled, setting down the cat on the floor. In seconds, there was a guy with raven black hair and dark blue eyes standing in front of us with a confused look on his face. At the belt of his police uniform hung a bright green squirt gun.

"GAH! WERE AM I?!" He yelled, leaping back. "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?! I WARN YOU, I HAVE A SQUIRT GUN AND A TASER AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM!

Ghost just kept inching away, "may we all calm down?" He said, eyes wide. Maloney spun around, still freaking out.

"JIMMY CASKET!" He screamed, tazing Ghost with no mercy. "BY THE ORDER OF THE LAW YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR KILLING MY DAD AN' HUNDREDS OF OTHER PEOPLE AN' STUFF!"

"YOU ABTHOLUTE NERD! CALM DOWN!" Spencer yelled, marching over to the cop. I didn't like him much, already. I just don't like officers...

"Ow." Ghost groaned on the ground. "Owowowow(stabstabstabstab)Shutup."

"I thought this guy was calm? He doesn't look calm." McGucket said, watching the guy tremble.

"Malony's an alien who can turn into a bird, and where we from, birds don't care about anything," Spooker explained, picked his stuffed animal off the ground. "When he's human, though..."

"WHERE EVEN ARE WE?!" The apparent Bird-Alien curled into a ball and rocked back and forth for awhile, seemingly calming down. "HOW'D I GET HERE!? IF SOMEONE DOESN'T EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON, I WILL HIT ALL OF YOU WITH A CAR."

"Maloney, you abtholute nerd, calm down before I regret this," Spencer said, rolling his eyes. Maloney was breathing heavily.

It took 15 minutes to calm down both Maloney and Ghost. Then Maloney tried turning into a bird and Ghost started screaming, and Maloney didn't care about it at all (They were right about the bird thing...) So we had to convince bird-Maloney to turn back into a human before Ghost decided to kill us all.

What a wonderful team we have. Full of murderers and sarcasm.

"So what are we going to do now?" Dipper asked after we filled in Maloney on where he was, and then Ghost on how this all started. Turns out he forgets things very easily... We left out some parts when he started getting really...Insane. There was this one scary moment when both his eyes turned red and he started laughing maniacally. We kinda forced him into a corner and waited until he came back over without a knife. Mabel and McGucket haven't caught on yet for the 'Ghost is a killer' thing, but I think they're getting suspicious.

"How long has it been since this has started?" Maloney asked, looking around, "You know, Officer Jinny's going to flip when she finds out Johnny disappeared." Ghost rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Well she never has to know, does she? She's too busy throwing the rest of her family in prison." I could tell they weren't going to get along well.

"Hold it. Officer Jenny? Like the Pokemon cop person?" I said, confused.

"Jinny, as in Jinny Toast as in 'BLAH BLAH BLAH, I HATE GHOST BLA BLAH BLAH, STOPPING CRIME.'" Ghost said, raising his voice to be more high-pitched. "She's super annoying."

Maloney shuffled his feet, "She isn't that bad..."

"You're just saying that because she's your commanding officer." Ghost told the alien, "so are we going to find Toast now or should I go do it myself?"

"I'll try to find him!" Spooker cheered, pausing. He consentraited for awhile, but nothing happened.

"... Is something wrong?" I asked, even though I didn't really care. We're all in this together.

"I can't teleport to him." Spooker mumbled, shocked.

"What?!" Ghost looked horrified, "okay, you know what? I'm going out there, I am going to find him, and no one can or will stop me. Alright? Goodbye."

Ghost began marching off, Dipper and Mabel trailing after him, and Mabel after Maxwell. Ford and I began trailing after them, with McGucket and Maloney following us. Way behind us, I heard Spencer screaming at us.

I guess we're all going. Whoop de doo.

Are we done with Weirdamaggedion yet?