I Don't Care if You're Sick

Therapy Don't Mean To Much To Me

Vic's POV

"Dude you talk like a lion and sing like a kitten and oh my god it's amazing! Your voice and your song!" I didn't know whether or not to take the lion/kitten thing as a compliment but I did.

"Thanks, you were good too, I love the screaming, really." He returned the compliment and smiled, "Your screamin is so good  as well. We need to start bands and tour together. Well, I need to start a band, as you already have one. Pierce the Veil.. why'd you choose that name?"

"The name comes from a phrase that I learned during a sociology class in college. To Pierce the Veil means to go directly to the source of a problem and completely cut it out."
(True meaning, exact quote.)

"That's cool, what year of college?" I sighed, I missed my dorm and my band. "First year, it was a good year, now I'm a sophomore."

"Do you like Fall Out Boy?"

"It's the summer of 2001, Joe meets Patrick and is like, 'Yo, I know about music.'" Kellin laughed, "You also like Panic! as well, right?" I nodded, they were good bands.

"Do you like Black Veil Brides? They saved my life. If it wasn't for this music I don't know how I would've fought this."
"Dude, same. They're amazing, I don't know how Andy scream like that."

"I love the screaming in The Legacy and oh my god Knives and Pens."

"Same here and I can listen to their music and feel like I'm alive and have a purpose. Their lyrics saved my life once, I'm so glad they're a band."

Kellin and I talked until our next therapy session where it was one on one and we went to our therapists.

"Hullo Vic, sorry you're here once again, wanna tell me why you're here?" Oli was really nice, he was also just a few years older then me, I was 18 and Kellin was 19. He had told me last night. "I held a gun to my head but Mike found me before I could pull the trigger." He sighed and wrote something down, I knew he was sad I was here again he had had me last time.

"Do you feel like cutting?"

"No." Lie.

"Do you have any desire to harm someone else?"

"No." Truth, I wasn't a violent person.

"Are you still wanting to die?"

"No." Lie.

"I see you're still a good liar, but that won't work on me. I know that self harm is addicting but you know it doesn't help. It just gives your scars that you'll regret later in life."

I knew that, I knew if I ever made it past this time I would hate the scars I gave myself with my own razor. But I couldn't stop now that I started.

"My arms bleed but the blood tells me I am living, my razor blade has become my closest companion it relives all the pain I get from the people who are living."

"Look, I know I've never been through what you're going through and neither does anyone else, but you need to open up to someone who can help you."

"I know, I just.. I wish I was dead so no one had to worry about me. I self harm 'cause I don't want to hurt anyone but myself. I cut because the only person I'm hurting is me."

"No, Vic that's not true, if Mike started cutting would you feel hurt like you couldn't help him?"
I nodded.

"See? You're not the only one you hurt when you put a blade to your skin, it hurts everyone who cares about you."

I'd never thought of it that way, "I'm not selfish, this is true, I just wanted to stop the pain of my friends and family and put it on me."

"You aren't selfish, you're right but you aren't thinking straight, cutting could really harm you and actually kill you, but you know that I'm sure."

I did, I never cut deep enough to die, but enough to feel the pain and see the blood.

"I know you don't cut to die, but that is inevitable because soon the pain won't be enough so you'll go deeper and deeper before uh oh, you're gone."

I knew that but I'd never really thought about it.

"Right now that's kinda the point ya know? But you wouldn't understand, you don't know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night scaring the thought of kissing razors."

Oli nodded, "I know, but everyone who's cut and recovered has regretted every single cut and I know you will too."

"I don't plan on recovering, I plan on being dead before I get to 22."

"I hope that being here, for the fourth time, will help you know that you'll be missed. And your brother might follow you. Don't go."

I didn't want my brother to die, but I didn't worry because I was sure he didn't look up to me. Who would even care if I left this world behind?

"I'm not meant for this world, I just don't see the point. Don't think about it."

Olis timer went off, we had talked for 45 minutes and it was someone else's turn to talk with Oli. I left without another word.