I Don't Care if You're Sick

The Bribe

Kellin's POV

The nurse wrapped the velcro thing around my arm while I laid down, then I sat up, then I stood and felt really dizzy that I almost fell over. "See, this is why you need to eat. You're getting light headed when you sit and stand up." I shrugged it off and sat back down thankful that my knees hadn't given way.

"I'm fine, my body doesn't need food right now, it needs some water." She glared at me, "Fine, but after you finish this glass you have to eat." I waved her away as she went to fetch me water.

She came back and handed me the water and stood there, "Are you waiting for me to finish?" She nodded, "What do you want to eat? I'll get you just about anything." I thought for a second then drank some of the water, "Hey! This isn't water! This is fricken magic water calorie filled shit, what the hell?" I had already swallowed it so I couldn't do anything about it I wasn't about to drink the rest of that.

"You need calories, that's a protein shake, just drink it please, you won't have to eat if you drink all of that." I knew she was lying but maybe I could just drink it and then refuse the rest. Or refuse everything.

"I know what you're thinking, just eat okay? You're being stupid, you're gonna die if you continue down this path." She glared and walked away, I glared back then glared at the drink that was taunting me. I was hungry for sure but I couldn't give in.

Just a little bit more Kellin. A few more hours and then you can eat okay? You never eat breakfast any ways so why start now?

I agreed with Ed, why should I eat breakfast? That's stupid.

The doctor walked in with a grim expression on bus face, "Kellin, you need to eat or you won't be allowed to see Vic today." I stopped, Vic was coming, "What? No that's not fair! I want to see Vic, please?" The doctor thought for a moment, "Will you eat?" I nodded quickly, he raised an eyebrow so I quickly started to drink the protein drink.

Stop! What are you doing? You idiot it's only been 90 hours! Only six more and you could've eaten! Stop, we need to throw it up!

Ed was yelling in my head and though I felt sick I sucked it up and drank it all. I threw the empty cup at the nurse in anger, "There! Can I see Vic now? When is he coming?" He smiled, "Good, he'll come after you eat lunch then you two can eat snack together."

My heart sank, that wouldn't be until 3:00, I didn't want to wait that long but for Vic, I would wait for the sun to explode.

"What would you like for lunch and snack?" I sighed, I didn't want anything at all to be truthful, "Salad and uh tacos." Jaime, the doctor glared at me when I said 'salad', "Is that what you want or what Ed wants you to have?"

"I can't help but fall back into Eds embrace. Even when I want to recover it's hard to leave." I said, "Yes, you can, you need to be strong, for Vic or who ever you admire." I stared back down at my hands, I hated this, I really actually hated every bit of this entire situation.

I hated that I couldn't just overcome my E.D. I hated that I couldn't just eat. I hated that I couldn't be normal. I hated how crippled I was when it came to food. I hated that I wasn't strong enough to fight and eat.

"I want salad." I said firmly, trying to reason with myself about how healthy I was being and how I was just trying to eat clean and how I'd have tacos with Vic and that would make up for it all.

"This game your playing, you're going to lose." Jaime came up close to me and leaned over the bed so that we were eye to eye, "I'm not losing, I'm winning."