I Don't Care if You're Sick

You'll be Missing Out and I'll be Missing You

Vic's POV

Kellin was going to be tube fed, informed a nurse as he seemed to want me to know. I sighed, at least he'd be getting some sort of nutrition.

"Vic, you need to eat." I stared down at the food I had completely forgotten I had, I'd been thinking of Kellin with all sorts of devices hooked up to his small body as food was forced into him.

"Oh, right sorry." I brought the food to my lips, I felt sick, was this what Kellin had to deal with every meal time for the past however many years of his life? I set down the fork and the nurse raises an eyebrow at me, I'm not one to refuse to eat.

"Kelly, what's it like to struggle with eating everyday?" Kelly, the nurse, raised her eyebrow higher, if possible.

"Why, you aren't thinking of stopping eating, are you?" She narrowed her eyes as I shook my head and to prove it I took a large mouthful of the undercooked hash browns.

"Because I just sorta feel sick and it's hard to eat and I was wondering if Kellin feels this way every single time he sits down at table for a meal." She sighed, "But it's so much worse, love. It's not that simple I'm afraid."

She shifted in her seat uncomfortably before continuing, "An eating disorder is a mental illness that can start from a few different things, genetics, environment, society, and people you hang out with as well. You constantly have a voice that tells you that you're too fat, not perfect, not enough, a waste of space and useless and worthless."

"Well can't you just ignore that stupid voice?" She rolled her eyes, "That voice, Ed, becomes your abusive spouse. He tells you that you're not good enough for anyone else and that you should be ashamed of your body and need to go to drastic measures to achieve the unreachable goal that has been set for yourself by Ed."

"That's terrible, I can't even imagine going through that." She nodded grimly, "An eating disorder is designed to make you hate yourself and, eventually, it can and will kill you. It is difficult to recover from, its ruthless, it's terrifying, and it's controlling. You can't be forced to recover, you have to make the choice for yourself."

I drank up the information and the cereal milk I had, left over. Kellin was going through so much every single time he had to look or probably even think about food where as the rest of us all unthinkingly ate, how did he stand that?

"I know Vic, he needs all the support he can get." I nodded and looked down at my now empty milk carton and got ok to throw it away, I missed my boyfriend. I missed being able to eat with him and make him smile even though he could barely keep one on his gorgeous face for that long during a meal.

"Hey, cheer up. He'll get through it don't you worry."

I scrapped my empty carton and box of cereal and sat on the couch were Kellin and I usually sat together. I opened up my song lyric book and waited for therapy like usual.

"What are you doing Vic?" I looked up at the nurse, "Uh, waiting for group.."
"Well, you're supposed to wait in your rooms." I had completely forgotten about that, I was so used to sitting down with Kellin for the hour.

"Oh, right. Sorry." I got up and shuffled to my room and sat on Kellins bed. I opened my book again and looked through songs.

After therapy there was exercise, school which I skipped, then lunch, more school which I again skipped, then therapy, even more therapy and dinner, calls, snack, and bedtime.

I crawled into Kellins empty bed and snuggled into the scent of him, I still missed him.

A/n
Oh my god sorry for the long wait I've been battling my ed really hard and losing. Anyway, hope you like this chapter, sorry it's so short. The next chapter will be soon and will also be in Vic's POV. Do any of you want me to end this any time soon? I don't know, just a thought.