I Don't Care if You're Sick

Madness

Kellin's POV

I woke up in the middle of the night, cold sweet covered my body, another nightmare. I laid down again but knew it was useless to try and fall back asleep, I nurse walked in, "What time is it?" I whispered as to not wake up Vic, "4:32." Said the silhouette of the nurse who I recognized as Kelly.

I knew now that it really was no use to try and sleep, I sat up against the wall and grabbed the book, grateful Vic had left the small light on dim and not off. I wanted to read but my eyes were heavy though I knew sleep wasn't coming and I'd be tired all day.

I put the book down and just stared at the ceiling until a nurse came in, had it already been a half hour? "Can I have some melatonin?" I asked, she sighed and agreed, I heard her walk away though she was quiet. She came back with a glass of water and the medicine, I took them and tried to go back to sleep, I'd tried this before only once and it hadn't helped, but maybe this time I would be different, in fact, the last time I took it I saw things.

I shot up and ran to the nurse in the hallway, "Kellin, what are you doing, no, get back here." I ran to the front desk to where the head nurse, Brittany was, "Brittany, I just took melatonin for the second time and the first time I took it I saw things and had to go to the hospital for 'self harming'." I put quotations around 'self harm'.

"Yeah, so? That won't cause that, we don't know what did but it wasn't that medicine so go back to bed if you can. Or, better yet, ask Kelly to take your vitals and weight." Why weren't they taking this seriously?

I sighed and walked back to Kelly and told her Brittany wanted my vitals and weight checked since I was up. She took me to the skin check room and told me to lay down on the bed thing.

After the weight and all I went back to my room, wide awake now, not that it mattered it just meant I'd be a bit more awake during the day so I guess that was good. Vic snores softly then turned over on his back and stopped, he was adorable.

I stared up at the ceiling, a hour passed, and it was Vic's turn for vitals I gently shook him as Kelly walked in with the beeping machine, Vic looked up and saw me and leaned up for a kiss, I quickly stopped myself and him, "It's time for vitals I said." He poured but sat up and gave her access to his right arm.

After she left and sat done on his bed and kissed him, our lips moving in sync, then I heard her walk back in and I broke the kiss, "You know drill, you can set up if you'd like, I forgot to tell you." She left and I again caught Vic's lips with mine, moving them as he deepened it, I broke it and smiled, "Let's go set up."

I pulled him out of bed and handed him sweats and I was glad I had put some on before running out. We walked to the big lounge, my hands wanted to creep into Vic's but there were cameras everywhere.

We set up quickly then sat on the couch, Vic ran to get our notebooks. I scanned the room, looking at the clock we had forty-five minutes before the food got here and fifty till the patients came. Out of the corner of my eyes and caught a glimps of a dark figure, fear gripped and I started breathing heavily. It came into full view and walked slowly towards me, I thought they were gone! Damn this melatonin, I didn't need this right now.

"Kells? Are you okay you look terrified!" Vic was sitting next to me, concern on his face, I shook my head and looked back to where the figure had been standing but it had finished, thank god. "S-sorry, I saw the... nothing, it doesn't matter."
"Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it to someone, it doesn't have to be me of course, I'm not trained or anything." I smiled and squeezed his thigh, "Nah, I'll be fine, thanks though."

I took my hand away and grabbed my notepad and pen, this was probably the best part about the day; it was when we spent the morning alone together writing and enjoying each other's company.

She says she wants to end it all
When she's all alone in her room,
she cries
The way she feels inside is too much for her
When all you've got is these four walls
It's not that hard to feel so small
Or even exist at all
How come no one heard her when she said

Maybe I'm better off dead
If I was would finally be enough
To shut out all the voices in my head?
Maybe I'm better off dead
Better off dead!
Did you hear a word
Hear a word I said?

This is not where I belong
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
Gone, gone
This is not where I belong
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

I stared at my lyrics, I felt like shit, I was anxious but being close to Vic helped, "You want to die?" I hadn't realized Vic was reading over my shoulder, "Uh, I mean, sorta. Not all the time but sometimes I just feel worthless and like I'm better off dead, I can't hurt anyone that way. All I ever wanted was a part of you I couldn't break. Then I somehow self harmed and fucked up I'm sorry."

Vic glanced at the camera then put his arm around me, "It's okay, so you relapsed, everyone does that." I felt the tears begin to creep to my eyes, I wiped them away and turned away so Vic couldn't see but he took my cheek gently and wiped off the free falling tears, "B-but, I don't eat and that makes you worried and I don't want you to always worry about me." I sniffed, he handed me a kleenex and smiled, "But I like you, we're a couple and that's what they do, they worry and protect one another."

I knew he had a point but I was blinded, literally, the tears were blinding me cause they wouldn't fall, I blinked a few times and wiped away the tears, "I'm sorry, I'm such a m-mess." He shushed me as a someone came in, it was Austin, "Hey, you two okay? There's a no touching rule but that's okay right now. When your done will you, Vic, come into your room, thanks." He disappeared and I sighed, moving away from Vic so he could leave, he pressed a light, quick kiss on my forehead before going, "I love you."

He walked away before I could reply, I would've said it back. I stared down at the lyrics, were they really true? I think they were.

She doesn't know she's beautiful
Cause no ones ever told her so
And the demons that she hides
Are all she knows

I set down the notepad, afraid of what else would come out, I wasn't the one to run from my problems but I couldn't handle this right now.

Especially with the black figure approaching me with a knife.