I Don't Care if You're Sick

The Nightmare

A/n
please don't starve yourselves! I know sometimes that feels like the only way you'll ever be pretty but I swear there is other ways, y'all are beautiful in my eyes.

Kellin's POV

Vic left ten minutes after our talk, I was alone in the big hospital room...again.

I was terrified of the thought of the Faceless coming for me again.

I asked for a nurse to stay with me but for some stupid reason they just 'couldn't spare one'. Whatever.

The rest of the day was filled with nurses trying to get me to eat, that didn't work. I was quite proud of myself, almost three whole days.

I felt kinda guilty even though I hadn't taken a bite of food or even drank the Gatorade. It was still on the ground by the chair, unopened.

"Kellin, if you don't eat soon, you'll have to be force fed with a tube like last time." Brittany had been a nurse here for a while and I was always stuck with her. She wasn't terrible she was just a complete and utter flirt!

I wasn't even into girls and I told her that and she really didn't care, she was sure she could seduce me, whatever.

"Hey, come on, you know you need food to survive!" I glared at her in annoyance, "Like you'd understand, you're naturally skinny so you don't have to worry about being fat." She giggled uncomfortably, "I'm not that skinny.. am I?" She was vain as well.

"Pudding, Gatorade, or tubes?" My glare didn't falter, "I'm not hungry." She rolled her eyes, "We both know that's bs, you just train your stomach to not feel the hugger pains, but it's been a few days and you should be hungry now!"

She bounced up and down, purposefully showing off her fake breasts, "Why don't you go 'seduce' Justin or something." She shook her head, "Now now Kelly!" - "Don't ever call me that." - "Kellin, I'm not going to try and flirt with a coworker! That would be so awkward and office romance never works out!"

"I flirting with me isn't awkward at all?" She just shrugged, "Nope lol!" Why did people say 'lol' out loud? It made them sound really stupid.

"I'm not eating so go fuck a tree and tell the doctor to stop screwing the receptionist." I pulled the covers over my head and closed my eyes and tried to sleep until I had to leave to the other hospital.

•
•
•

I woke up in a cold sweat with the covers kicked to end of my bed. It must've been around ten or eleven, I felt the familiar presence of something unreal and impossible.

Faceless.

They came out from the dark with their knives brandished and gleaming in the dim light of the crescent moon.

I screamed, someone someone had to have heard me and, thank god if he existed, they did.

"What is it Kellin!?" A nurse rushed in, glasses askew suggesting she had been napping when I had screamed.

I had to think of a quick lie because what would she think if I were seeing things? "Uh, just a nightmare. I-I'm fine, sorry." She shook her head, "It's fine, are you hungry?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes, "No." she shrugged, not pushing it, and left the room.

I sat alone on my bed and wished for Vic's strong arms to hold me tight and for him to tell me everything would be okay and the Faceless weren't real.

I got up and grabbed a hoodie that Vic had generously given to me to borrow. I drifted slowly back to sleep with the thought of Vic and the scent of his clothes.

Kellin's dream (I had a dream like this before when I was in one of my wrists points during my ed)

I was all alone but there was a table, filled with all my favorite foods. My mouth watered in hunger and want, I was starving and there was my favorites, right in front of me.

I couldn't stop myself, I ate all of the food, there were even Big Macs, why did I liked them so much as they were chalk full of fat, calories, and everything I was against.

But soon, almost the whole table, earlier filled with food, was almost completely void of food. I was a disgrace.

But there was another table, I stiffly made my way to it, I screamed at myself to stop but I just couldn't, I gorged myself on all sorts of 'bad' foods without hesitation though I tried to stop myself.

Everything was being stuffed into my mouth and my jeans felt tight, I still screamed though I was alone, why couldn't I control my own body? It wouldn't stop, would this ever end?

I woke up, my heart beat faster then it had ever and making the machine next to me beep wildly, I quickly checked the time and where I was, it was three and I was still in the hospital.

For the first time I was thankful I was here and not where ever the hell I had been in my nightmare. I felt guilty for even thinking of all that food, let alone eat any of it.

A nurse came in, "What's wrong? Your heart monitor is going berserk! What did you do?" I shook my head, still clutching my shirt in panic though I was slowly starting to calm down.

"I had a nightmare." I didn't need to lie for this, "Another one?"
"Obviously."
"Are you hungry?" I didn't have enough energy to make up a good lie, "Yes." She smiled encouragingly, "Will you eat?" I shook my head, "No, I can't. I've come to far to give up and eat." She sighed, "You're going to have tubes tomorrow then."

She left without another word.

A/n
Sorry for such a long wait, I've been having real trouble with my ed, I haven't eaten in ages so my brain is being slow. Anyhow, hope you liked the chapter! Be strong.