Gone To Hell | Seventeen

XX.

"Raejin, wake up."

It felt like every morning was repeating itself. Not necessarily the whole morning, but every time I woke up, I woke up the same way. Hoshi always poked me and talked to me until I was out of bed.

"Date?"

"October 11th." He responded, laughing. "That's what, 18 days now that we've been living in this hell?"

"Still feels like decades." I grumbled, "I pray to god it ends soon, before my hair starts turning gray."

Then I remembered what was going on. Yunmi's birthday was yesterday, and last night, things got weird. Hopefully we wouldn't all wake up with hangovers, though.

A certain thought popped into my head, reminding me of something I had to do today. Hoshi had brought up Jeonghan last night, concerned for his health. Hoshi didn't know that he was actually correct for assuming something was wrong. I mean, Jeonghan had told me multiple times that his only motivation to keep trying was me, and that seeing me get left at the farm really damaged what little strength he had left. I couldn't ever forget the day Vernon showed us the horses, and Jeonghan told me for the first time, all he wanted to do anymore was keep his promise to Yoongi of keeping me safe. But he had also promised to keep himself safe.

"I'll be right back, go get everyone up for breakfast."

I didn't wait for a response before picking up my master key and leaving the room. Jeonghan's room was across from ours, room 113. I made my way to his room and unlocked the door before anyone could stop me.

Inside, Jeonghan was still asleep. He looked extremely peaceful, which was a bit startling due to the fact that I knew he wasn't very happy about being in this world. I decided to wake him up, since he needed up anyway. So I sat down on the bed next to him and tapped his cheek with my finger, switching to shaking him a little, and it took a couple seconds until he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"What?"

"You need to get up, and I need to talk to you."

His eyes turned into slits, not an angry kind of slit, but just kind of confused.

"Why?"

"Jeonghan, is there something you aren't telling me?"

He started to sit up, seeing my concern. "I don't know what you mean."

"With your... depression, are you hiding anything from me? Is there more going on that you aren't telling me about?"

"No, I told you everything. I just don't feel like trying all that much. You're the only reason I'm going right now." He shrugged, but that just made me more worried.

"Are you suicidal?" I asked further, "If you are, Jeonghan, you better not even think about doing anything-"

"Did someone say something about me, Raejin? Why are you questioning me?"

I sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. I felt a strong need to cry, but I couldn't right then.

"Hoshi has noticed multiple times that something seems off about your attitude. He said you were 'emotionless' yesterday, when you were out with the boys. He's genuinely concerned about you."

Jeonghan chuckled a little, shaking his head. "I'm not suicidal, and nothing has changed since last time we talked about this. The thing is, I wanted to protect you and I ran away when the time came. I was just ashamed of myself, not suicidal. You know I'd come to you if I ever thought about hurting myself or killing myself."

"But if someone wanted to die... They wouldn't tell anyone before doing it."

"Raejin, please stop. You're starting to scare me now." Jeonghan then wrapped one of his arms around me and squeezed me tightly. "We've been best friends since we were kids. I'm not going to let a bunch of rotting people or even an evil, angry dad ruin that."