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ten

"I have a little cafe like place I like to eat around here if you don't mind", Harry suggested.

"Yeah that's fine", I don't really eat much around here so any place would be fine weather it was a local, family business or something more commercial and country wide.

"I missed you", he said, almost as if he didn't want to create any moments of silence between the two of us, " I could say it a million times and still mean it, I miss you."

"I missed you too", I smiled and he placed his hand on my thigh. His actions now and his words were really showing how serious he was about me. I figured he might of just thought of me as a friend but this wasn't how you treated a friend or how you felt about someone if you just wanted to be their friend. 

"I hope you understand what I mean when I say this but, I didn't really understand what I loved so much about you and what really drew me to you so fast. I really just felt like I had to be around you and close to you, just instant connection and that scared me. I missed so much of you and I missed how alive you make me feel whenever I am with you. You make me feel like I'm not a shitty person."

"You aren't a shitty person, Harry, if anything you have proven to me that you care and you have a huge heart. I don't know how you could think that. You are too sweet for me, even I don't get that. For you to have so much kindness and appreciation for me so soon after we met shows a lot of your character", He smiled looking at the road and that made me feel good. There was so much appreciation for each other and that was a good sign. I wasn't used to being so loved in a relationship or by a man like he made me feel.

We pulled into the little cafe and we both got out of the car. It was starting to rain a bit so when we met in front of his car, Harry grabbed my hand quickly and we practically ran inside. 

"Don't want to get wet now do we?", I asked and he smiled.

"Never."

We both sat down a table and began to look at the menus already there for us. I looked at all the items on the menu but the only real thing I could think about was Harry's spiral and I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by that. How did he spiral and was this something that happened a lot? I didn't want to leave Harry because of this, if anything I wanted to help him but you couldn't help but wonder what it was and how often this kind of thing happened. Was it really bad? Was it caused by other people or himself? 

I ended up ordering just a coffee and Harry did the same. He wanted me to eat something, just so that he knew I was healthy and eating so I got some banana bread but I also assured him that I was healthy and eating well. 

"So can we talk about this spiral? I don't want to pry but I'm just confused and if I can help you I want to."

"You don't have to feel obligated to help me", he said resting his elbow on the table and placing his head in his hands, " If you want to be there for me you can and I don't want to push you away but its just a lot to handle and I don't want to scare you off."

"Tell me more more."

"I don't know where to begin", the more he stalled the more I felt like he was just coming up with whatever lie he could," I attend the college just around the street and when I started I thought I wanted to be in a frat and my dad was in the frat when he went there so I joined for him and the fact that I was a party guy at the time. I hate it now and the partying and the girls and just all of it hasn't be fun in a really long time."

"I guess it would be fun if the guys weren't all the same, in the sense that all they care about his barely graduating and getting girls. They can do that and I don't care but its the fact that there are guys who are still in it that don't want to be apart of that lifestyle anymore and have serious girlfriends that get shit for it. The fact that they force all of the single guys into their lifestyle and my family life just isn't doing well right now, do you want me to talk about that?"

"Can you leave the frat?", I asked, if he hated it so much he had the right to leave unless there was something holding him back, " and you don't have to talk about it if it is too much for you."

"That's the thing! My dad pays for my college education and he wants me to stay, he threatens to stop paying if I leave the frat. But he has been in the hospital for the past few months and he just isn't who he used to be. I don't think he is going to make it so I would just stick it out until he passes, ya know? Do you think that is wrong?"

Harry seemed to be looking away from me a lot now. His eyes were watery and he kept touching his hair and became really fidgety. I assumed he was nervous about talking about something so personal and I couldn't blame him. It was hard to open up to people and especially about tragedy. He may be nervous but it made me proud of him, just to be able to talk about it was a huge deal. 

"Not at all, I think I would do the same thing if I were in your situation. I would rather make someone happy for as long as I could than do something to disappoint them." 

"I just go for days where I cry and have this realization of how precious life is and I go to spend time with him. I just shut the world off and I got to school and spend time with my dad. Sometimes I turn my phone off and sometimes I don't. I just get scared and anxious and I don't want to do anything to fuck up or have any regrets so I avoid the world."

I held Harry's hand from across the table and he looked at me with such sadness but so much love in his eyes. He seemed upset but like there was a sense of relief in him for telling me about all the things he had on his mind. I was someone who believed so strongly in letting your emotions out and talking to people, I believe it could heal so much and help you reach so many realizations.

"Harry. I am just so gla-", I began to say until a guy with his girlfriend walked up to the table.

"Harry", he said dragging out all the R's in his name, " Are you coming to Bradley's party tonight? It's suppose to be the best frat party of the year."

"I don't think so, dude", he said, fidgeting with his phone in his hands.

"He is going to be pissed if you don't come dude! He told me he has some girl set up for you tonight from another girl, she's suppose to be super hot", the guy said, he seemed to really want him there and it made me jealous. I knew Harry and I weren't committed so I really had opinion in the matter but it felt like something just might happen with us, like we were getting serious with each other. 

"Can you just tell him I am dealing with some family stuff tonight and I can't come", Harry said angrily and annoyed. The guy put his hand on Harry's shoulder then looked over at Harry and I a few times.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll see you later then."

"I'm sorry", he said and I shook my head, I didn't really care, " This is the shit I have to deal with its like the single guys are the life of the party and have to be there even if they don't want to. It's annoying."

The A Team// Ed Sheeran