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fifteen

Harry pulled into the parking lot of a shopping center about thirty minutes away from where we lived and turned over in his seat to look over at me. He smiled, admiring me, and I felt the car fill with love. The love I had for him and the love I had hoped he had for me.

"No one has treated me like you do", Harry began to say, " So open and honestly. You just accept me, you don't even know all there is to know about me but you just take all that I am."

"You're a human being. I would do that for anyone. It kills me that you just aren't treated like that all the time."

"The frat people, and the college girls are reckless. I think that has a lot to do with it. It's such a party scene and everyone knows everyone. If you make one wrong move people never forget. It's like high school all over again with them sometimes."

"I hate that", I said with disgust, " I never want to go back to school, I probably will though next fall. I need a break."

"You don't need it", he said, "If you want to be a doctor, go to school and get your PHD. If you want to paint or be creative for a living don't waste thousands of dollars on something self taught. That's my philosophy."

"I agree."

"My dad was the reason I went to college, I told you about that. The frat, and all that."

"Yep", I said, while nodding, "Tell me about your mom. You've never talked about her."

He let out a sigh and I wondered if I had pushed the wrong button or asked the wrong question. I didn't want to push him or ask anything too personal. I was just curious. Harry seemed to have a love-hate relationship towards his dad. He loved and cared his dad is what I understood from how much he visited him. He seemed to also be frustrated because his dad was the reason he was in the frat he was in and that made him unhappy.

"She is something."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, she's just a lot", Harry begin and I waited for him to be ready, " If I'm being honest, I feel like she is the source of my worry. I think I got my worry of everything and my anxiety from her. She was really nervous and paranoid while I was growing up. Then once I was a teenager she put a lot of pressure on me to be just amazing in school and everything I did."

"Parents can be like that a lot of the time."

"But I love her", he made sure to add, " My mother is the glue of my family. I don't think my sister, my father, and I would get along at all if it wasn't for her. She really thinks about what everyone needs and loves everyone she meets. We all just come together and are happy for her sake."

To me, it seemed like Harry was a lot like his mother. She seemed worried a lot of the time and I knew Harry was. It really hurt me because it seemed like his parents had made him this way. His parents wanted the best out of him and they seemed to judge a lot of his actions. He never got the chance to be on his own, doing his own thing. I think he wouldn't be so conscious of what other people thought if he had grown up differently.

"Thank you for telling me", I said and he nodded. He didn't have to tell me anything and the fact that he did, so easily, meant a lot to me. He had a lot to worry about. I could be like everyone else who was going to judge him and he trusted me to keep his secrets.

"What about you? Your parents", he asked, and I should've known the question was coming.

"My dad left my sister and I when I was four, my sister was nine. He left for freedom and never came back. My mom said it was because he wanted to date other women and be on his own. He jumped into their relationship and parenthood too fast. He bought a motorcycle and never came back. That's the kind of image that sticks into your head as a child, my mom just let it all happen and let my sister and I beg for him."

"My mom was in love with him and she felt like her only purpose in life was to love him. So he left and my mom just lost it. My grandma ended up living with us to take care of my sister and I but my sister became like a mom to me. My mom would just sulk in her room and do drugs for days at a time, never coming out. She would bring random guys in and out of the house. It took her almost dying for her to get her act together and be a good mother."

"How come you didn't tell me any of this sooner?", Harry seemed shocked.

It wasn't something I just easily talked about or really thought about. It affected me a lot when I was a kid and the older I got the more I tried to forget about it all. I wanted so badly to know what my dad was like once I got older and to know I would never contact him broke me. The memories of how horrible my mom was to us were hard to forget, it was hard to trust that she was becoming better.

"It's been so long, I just try to forget about it. My moms been clean for like 6 years and I still haven't seen my dad."

"There is a lot more to you than you are leading on", Harry said and I kind of nodded. I was being open and honest with Harry as much as I could be but there was more. I was more complex and I had been through more than I was leading on.

Angel Down// Lady Gaga
Circles// Eden

I don't know if any of you are into astrology but I think that Ocean is a libra sun, aquarius moon and that this text!harry is a aquarius sun, virgo moon. Both venus in aquarius.