Project: Karma

12 | Crushing Heart

<Nagisa>
Later that night, when I came back from work. I saw Sugino waiting outside my apartment door. Waiting for someone. Waiting for me, for whatever reason.

"Do you need something?" I asked while I was on the last step of the stairs.

"No, just wanted to make sure you got home safely." He replied. Sugino walked over to me and patted my head.

How long did he wait? His hands were icy to the touch.

"Y-you don't have to worry about me." I inched away from his hands, "I'm very capable on my own." I assured.

"Well, I'm just that kind of person."

"An overly protective one." I stuck out my tongue.

"Did you eat already?"

"Yeah." I nodded my head.

"That's good." Sugino smiled.

For some reason, Sugino was tense and a little awkward. Like he was lost for words all of a sudden. Then, his eyes looked back at mine.
My instincts told me something was up. Even if he didn't say anything. So I placed my bag along the side of the door and sat down.

"Huh? Nagisa?" He looked down at me.

"Sit." I placed my hand on the spot besides me and he slowly crouched and sat there.

"I can tell somethings on your mind." I pointed out.

"What is it?"

"A counselor now, are you?" He chuckled.

I wrapped my arms around my legs and laid my head on my knees.

The only problem that I could think of, would be that girl he talked about before. The one who he wasn't able to confess to.

"Is it her?" I spoke.

"Huh?"

"That girl, are you're thinking about her?"

Sugino laid his lead against the wall.

"Yes. I'm always thinking about her."

"Did something happened? Did you see her again?"

"Are you jealous?" He teased.

"N-no! I'm just asking." I pouted. "Answer the question."

"Yes. I did see her very recently. More like I've been able to see her everyday." He answered. "She's unpredictable as ever. Carefree and such." Sugino wore a warm gleaming expression when he spoke of her.

He really cared about her. "Did you confess?"

"Of course not. Not yet." He waved his hands.

"Better sooner than later." I stated my opinion, "or time will slip again and your 2nd chance will be lost."

"You do have a point." Sugino agreed.

"Go for it, what do you have to lose?" I playfully pushed him.

I didn't know whether I can said something wrong or the fact that I carelessly touched him without his consent but, he didn't look energetic or happy about it.

He stood up from his place and sighed, "it's best that you call it a night. Wash up and head to bed." He said.

"I guess so." I looked at the time on my phone.
"Well, good night."

"Good night." Sugino slightly smiled as he opened the door to his place and closed it behind him.
The tension was left where I was and I could no longer feel that loving presence.
••••••
When I finished taking my bath and brushed my teeth. I dove under my cloud of covers and rolled around in comfort.

My phone buzzed.
Koro-sensei had texted me, with a reminder about the meeting tomorrow about Karma.
Karma.
Why was it that whenever I think of him, my emotional chemistry just, I don't know how to explain it? When I stare off into his smile, why do I get so happy? Am I overthinking everything?

W-what about with Sugino? He's a guy too! A real one at that! Though, I knew it wasn't the same kind of interest. These two were different. I've never looked at a guy like that before. Could possibly I have feelings for Karma? Like a measly kindergarten crush?

That does explain my abnormalities whenever I see him. Or my parental love towards him, who I practically raised since then.
Wow I sound lonely. Me? In love with a menacing robot of sorts? You've completely lost your mind.

However, I can't just simply lie about my feelings like how I lie to the board without batting an eye. Karma is special to me.
But what kind of special? Was it the same kind of special, like Sugino?
Argh! Nagisa! You've never worried about guys as much as now! I'm so conflicted! My own emotions are betraying me!

Without any progress, my mind had shut down and unplugged. Before I knew my body had carried itself into sleep mode. I knew what wanted at that moment. I want to see Karma smiling. I want to see him live.
•••••••
<Karma>
Unlike humans, I will never know the concept of sleep. Of course, I know the gist of it and all that. However, artificial humans like us are always awake. Our minds are awake. It reminds us that we're not human. It reminds me that I'm just scraps and wires. Therefore, dreams and dark nights don't apply to me.

Honesty, it makes me regret taking in emotions and knowledge. Maybe knowing everything acts like a double edge sword.
The thing I don't regret is learning how to live. Nagisa has taught me that just by how she herself is living life. Laughing, smiling, all those things that create life in someone.

She has sparked life in me. A piece of scrap and wires made to kill. For the fact that I didn't realize that I knew what this was. I can't deny it, it's love. Twisted and malicious, it confuses the head, breaks the heart. Who knew the time would come when I would know what love feels like.

She's human. I'm artificial. I exist to kill. She exist to live. She has dreams. I don't have a future. Nagisa is human. I'm not.

Simply, even if I don't sleep like humans. Wrapped up in blankets or out in the naked earth, I stay awake. I stay awake and think about her. Always, thinking about Nagisa.
It's a fact, that this will lead to my demise.