Me & Mine

10. The Great Maxwell

"When you said street racing, I didn't exactly picture Mario Kart." The guys had ordered in some pizza and taken me upstairs, to Max' bedroom. He flicks on the light and holds the door open for me. His room is big, as if that was a shocker in a mansion like this. It was mostly white, with dark wooden furniture. Opposite his kingsized bed stood a large cabinet with a flatscreen TV mounted on it. As the boys set up the game I take the liberty to snoop around. There are a few photos on his wall. I see Travis and Kane in most of them, and a handsome man and woman that I assume are his parents. They look happy, all of them. Even Kane. Mysterious, strange Kane. He smiles in the photos, his eyes narrow and crinkled, sparkling and full of life. I never had the pleasure of knowing that version of Kane. I only know the stoic, frowning, blank model. I sigh.

"That was a different time," I jump up from Max' voice. A shiver rolls down my spine and I can't stop my body from softly shaking. I nudge a little to the side and let Max reach for the photograph I was looking at. The boys were wearing their letterman jackets and hugged each other. All of them smiled – teeth bared and eyes crinkled to a close. "A good time," Max says, and I study the look on his face. It's melancholy. I know it well. His expression is soft and yet his eyes sparkle with a longing for simpler times, better times. Max is standing so close to me that I can practically feel the acceleration of his breaths and the beating of his heart. I smile softly at him and he catches my stares from the corner of his eye. He nods slightly and smiles back at me. Without saying anything else he hangs the picture frame back on the wall and jumps on his bed. "Ready for some ass whooping?" He asks loudly, patting Travis on his shoulder. The boys each take a controller and pick their characters. I crawl onto the bed and let myself fall down between them. With my hands under my chin I raise my eyes to the television screen and watch their race begin.

Travis wins the first round and I take Max' controller. I sit up straight and crack my neck. This guy is in for a treat. I am my family's Mario Kart champion. Travis and I go neck to neck and get so caught up in the game that we almost miss Max' disappearing downstairs and coming back with pizza and beer. Just in time to see my swooping victory, of course. Travis looks a little hurt but I send him a confident smirk. "It was your idea," I tease, and he rips a bottle of beer from the sixpack. "I'm going to sit in the corner and drink away my sorrows now. You two have fun." Travis takes a box of pizza and curls up on the corner of Max' bed, pulling his knees up to his chin and gulping away at the beer. Max hands me a beer and places the other box in between us.

"Yes," I muse, "I desperately need food!" I open my beer and smell the cheesy pizza. "Pizza somehow has become the direct object of my life," I say, cramming a slice in my mouth. Max raises his eyebrows and laughs.

We devour the pizza and down our beers before starting another Mario Kart tournament. Travis gets his revenge eventually, although I might have been distracted on multiple occasions by the proximity of my body to Max'. Our shoulders nudging and our eyes meeting, our smiles radiating and our hearts skipping. Either that, or the alcohol was finally working its magic on the three of us. By the end of the last match we were laughing about nothing and constantly losing track of our bodies and limbs.

It was only minutes past eight, but it felt like midnight already. I let myself fall backwards on Max' bed and watch the texture of the ceiling. I should probably call Amory to come and pick me up. I notice Max and Travis letting themselves fall back too. "Oh boy," Travis says, letting out a huge yawn, "I'm crashing here tonight bro."

Max combs through his hair and looks behind me to his friend. Travis has his eyes closed and his mouth gaping open, and I turn to face Max. I nestle my hands underneath my face and watch Max' eyes studying my face. My heart beats fast and my breathing intensifies. I feel light in my head, but I don't mind the feeling. His eyes finally rest on mine and he smiles. Not that devious smile that I have come to adore, but a real smile, a happy smile. I smile back at him, teeth bared and eyes sparkling. This feels good.

And I don't want to spoil it. "I," my voice sounds low and soft, "I should, uhm–"

Max sighs and nods. The corners of his mouth slid upward slightly. "Yeah," he whispers, "you should call your brother." I smile. Why doesn't Harley like him again?

We leave Travis upstairs, he was barely awake when I said goodbye, and make our way downstairs. I take my phone from my backpack and dial Amory. He'll pick me up in twenty minutes or so.

I shiver and walk over to the open doors to the gardens. Max walks up behind me and rests his shoulder against the doorpost. "I forgot to close them," he apologizes, "are you cold?"

I shake my head and watch the night covering the world in darkness. The moon was bright and a few stars danced in the early night. "No," I whisper, "I like the night air."

"I know," Max says softly, "it's calm and quiet. Warm."

I look at him and feel my body pulling closer to his, as magnets fighting to meet. He looks in my eyes and softly strikes my hair behind my ear. I let my face fall against the hand on my cheek. God his touch feels so good. Max smiles and moves forward ever so slightly, his eyes focused on mine. I stop breathing and let my lips part. His eyes shoot to my mouth and I feel his body tensing. He leans forward until his face is only a breath away from mine.

I place my hand on his chest and stop him from moving closer. Closing my eyes I curse myself for not letting him kiss me. I want him to kiss me. I want to jump him and rummage my fingers through that fiery red hair of his. But that's exactly why I can't. I already broke one promise tonight by stupidly agreeing to drinking games with total strangers.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, but Max leans back immediately. "No," he says softly, "I'm sorry, that was stupid. I didn't mean to – I mean, I definitely want to, but only if you want to."

I chuckle and wipe my mouth. My lips feel tingly, even though he didn't even touch them. "And I do," I say, "I do want to. And the old me would totally jump your bones right now." Max laughs and combs through his hair. "But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf."

We stand there for a second, our bodies willing but our minds saying no.

"You know that one Spice Girl song?" I ask softly, and he raises his eyebrows. "Well," I bite my lip, "if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends."

He smiles and courtesies me. "Fair enough. But just so you know," he says, his voice soft and vulnerable, "I don't want to be just your lover. I'm done with meaningless hook-ups. I want what Daisy and Jay had."

My lips part and I stare at him with admiration. "You read The Great Gatsby?"

"Yeah," he whispers, looking down at his shoes.

"I got the impression you didn't like literature," I smirk, "there was a certain loud sigh?"

"Ah, you heard that," he smiles, drowning me in those gorgeous eyes again, "I didn't like literature. Or at least I thought I didn't like it. But then one morning there was this beautiful and strong new girl in class, and she seemed to love the novel. So I figured that if the novel was worthy of her admiration, it must be some story."

I inhale deeply, realizing I had stopped breathing some time ago. "You read The Great Gatsby because of me?" I ask softly, and Max nods.

"And I will wait," he says, "like Gatsby waited. And I will charm your friends and your brother and throw the most amazing parties if that's what it takes to catch your attention."

I smile, teeth bared and eyes sparkling, for the umpteenth time tonight. And in that moment I broke the second promise I made Harley that morning.

I stared at him and slowly shook my head. "You already have my full attention," I say, silently promising that I was his and he was mine, when the time was right.

As if it was a sign from a higher power the doorbell rings before either Max or I can say something else. I take a deep breath and smile. Max drapes his arm around my shoulder and takes my bag from the couch. "Let's get you home.'