Me & Mine

47. The Things She Carried

Kane makes me coffee before we say goodbye and I turn home. I tell him I don't want him to lie for me, so if Max asks, he should tell him the truth. I don't know how Max will take it. I figure he will feel angry, sad, and most of all, betrayed. The truth is, I went to Kane because he isn't Max. Because he isn't Harley and he isn't Amory. He's just... a stranger.

And sometimes things are easier with strangers.

I run a hot bath for myself and spend the rest of the day revising my essay and doing my homework. Not really exciting, but enjoyable nonetheless. And it keeps my mind off Amory's arrival tomorrow. I call Max in the evening, telling him about the party and making a story up about how the drunk people annoyed my sober self and so I turned in early for the night.

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday," he says.

"I know," I sigh, "I know you guys are just looking out for me, but it's hard for me to let you in."

"Believe me, love," he says, "I understand. I haven't exactly been the posterchild for letting people in either."

"But I do want to tell you, Max. I do!" I let myself fall back on the bed. I'm tired. I'm so, so tired.

"I want to tell you everything. Why Amory and I left the City, why I got the tattoos, what's bothering me right now... Everything."

"I'm so happy to hear that!" And he does sound really happy, I can hear that he's smiling. "Do you want to come over tomorrow?"

"I can't," I say softly, "Amory's coming back tomorrow. How about Monday? After school?"

"It's a date." There's the butterflies again, proving I am making the right decision by telling him.

"Hey, love?"

"Yeah?"

"I –" he pauses for a moment, "I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy when I'm with you."

"But all I do is get you into more trouble," he says, his voice soft and hoarse, "with the drinking and the skipping class and –"

"Max," I chuckle and cut him off mid-sentence, "it takes two to tango. If I didn't want to do all those things I wouldn't."

"But I feel like I'm enabling–"

"Max, seriously, you are the best thing in my life right now."

He's quiet for a while. I close my eyes and feel sleep creeping up on me.

"Do you really mean that?"

"I do."

"You are the best thing in my life, too."

***

Sunday is just as lazy as Saturday. I can open both my eyes again, but it still doesn't look pretty. The bruise on my cheek is now a deep purple, with specks of blue and black. My eye isn't much better off, the entire contour a mix of purple and black. The cut on my cheek is slowly healing and my lip is still torn. There's no way these injuries will disappear before school starts again, and therefore, come nightfall, I lock myself in my room with a bottle of red wine and a bag of chips. Amory will rip my head off when he sees me like this, and I can't handle him being mad at me and having to hear mother is getting out of prison at the same time. So I opt for the cowardly thing to do: hide.

At least until tomorrow. After that, the crowds of people at school will hopefully calm Amory down enough so he doesn't start throwing tables around. Again.

The front door slams shut and my legs give out immediately. My heart drops, weighing down on my lungs, making it impossible for me to breath. I crawl over to the door and sit back against it, pulling my knees up to my chest.