Me & Mine

52. The Beautiful...

"I got my mascara all over your dress," Harley chuckles. I look down at the black spots and shrug.

"That's okay, sunshine," I smile, "I don't mind."

Harley raises herself up from the bed and paces through her room. Her eyes are swollen red, mascara dripping down her face in trails of tears. At least she's breathing again, calmly and steadily. And although her voice is hoarse from screaming at me and her head feels heavy from the tears she cried, I think it helped. I think she's relieved now. Relieved that she spoke the words out loud and that it didn't change anything between us. Relieved that we're okay again, or at least on the road to being okay again.

"I want to tell my mother," she says, "I think I should just get it over with."

I smile and jump off the bed. I walk over to her vanity table and take a few wipes from the box.

"I think that's a good idea," I say softly, wiping away the mascara from her face. She smiles and sighs.

"Do you want me to come?" I ask, but Harley shakes her head.

"No, that's okay," she says, "but maybe you could wait here?"

"Of course, whatever you need."

Harley is gone for thirty minutes. Thirty long minutes I spend alone in my mind. Out of all the thoughts I have nothing really sticks, because every memory that flashes before my eyes, every thought that crosses my mind, everything comes back to Harley. She is strong and brave, I know, but none of this will be easy for her. She's finally coming to terms with a piece of her identity that she hid or ignored for so long, and from now on everything will be different for her. Not only how she sees the world, but also how the world sees her. And as much as I want to help her get through it, she eventually has to do it on her own. We all do. No matter our issues, the one constant factor in our lives is our self. It's you. It's only you and it's always going to be only you.

And I'm not really there yet, but I do believe that one day that will be enough. One day I, only I and always I, will be more than enough. And that's one hell of a powerful thought.

After thirty minutes Harley calls me from down the stairs. I rush to meet her and smile. Her and her mother are hugging, smiling, and it warms my heart.

Harley sees me and exhales a long-overdue breath. "Cat's out of the bag," she whispers, and I chuckle.

"Gay's out of the closet?" I smirk. Harley chuckles too and nods. Her mother smiles and kisses her daughter's forehead.

"Thank you for telling me," she says, patting Harley's blonde hair, before turning her attention to me, "and thank you for being here for her, Fay."

"My pleasure, Veronica," I smile.

"Now," Veronica smiles, reluctantly letting go of her daughter, "can I get you girls something to drink?"

Harley wipes her tears away and nods. "Yeah," she says, "two cokes, please."

Veronica disappears into the kitchen and I walk over to Harley. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and she leans her head against mine. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she sighs, "I really am."

"Good."

Her mom comes back with two cans of coke and smiles at us. I gladly take the drink and thank her. "Veronica?" I ask, and Harley's mom raises her eyebrows in expectation.

"Is it okay if I sleep over tonight?" I glance over at Harley and see her smile. I hope she knows I was serious when I told her that I wasn't going anywhere.