Me & Mine

45. Fight

[a/n] Warning: this chapter contains descriptions of attempted sexual assault, violence and lots and lots of blood. You've been warned. 

Lunch is awkward the next day. Scratch that, the entire school day is awkward. Kane refuses to look at me and I can't even stand being in the same room as him. Harley and Richie walk on eggshells around me and even Max is distant. When the last bell of the day finally rings I rush to my car. I take a deep breath but it doesn't help. There's a heavy weight on my chest, pounding and pressing. It's just nerves, I tell myself, you're nervous because your mother might get out of prison. It's normal to feel this way.

I close my eyes and curse myself. I don't want to be normal, I just want to feel without having to rationalize everything! I search for my keys when I hear footsteps behind me.

"Fay?"

I breathe. It's Max. And Harley, and Richie, Kane, even Travis and Ann. I blink a few times and straighten my posture. "Hey guys," I say lightly, "wanna come back to my place? We can–"

"We're worried about you," Harley cuts me off, her face red. She looks down at her feet and I feel my stomach knot together. Just what I need.

"Is this an intervention?"

"Love," Max reaches for my hand but I back away.

"Really?" I cock my head to the side. "You too?" Doesn't he know I need him to breathe?

Harley takes a deep breath and looks at me. Straight in my eyes. No. Straight in my soul. They're electric, her eyes, and I can't breathe. "Fay, please," she says, her voice soft and caring, "we want to be here for you."

I muster up a small smile. "Thank you," I say, "but I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Kane's voice is nothing like Harley's. His is loud and bouldering, sneering, pounding. Hers is ethereal.

"Please, Fay," Harley takes a small step forward, "we care. I care. And I'm scared for you."

My heart stops. My body shuts down. Even my mind, my damn mind... Nothing works. Because Harley is scared. She is scared because of me.

That's it. I need to get out of here right now.

"Don't be," I say, my voice cracking, "I'm fine."

I smile and quickly get into my car. Max and Kane look ready to jump in front of it and Harley just stands there... defeated. Scared. How the hell could I do this to her?

So I back up and drive until I'm sure nobody is following me. I park the car alongside the road and scan my phone for messages.

Love, please come to my place. I need you safe with me. - Max

Please, Fay, why don't you want to talk to me? I'm your friend.. I want to be there for you! Please come back to me! - H.

I close my eyes and jam my head back against the driver's seat. I want to go to both. I want both to hold me and to tell me I'm going to be okay. But I can't... Because I know what happens when I let people in. They pity me. Like Kane pitied me yesterday. I can't have Max pity me. I can't have Harley pity me...

I scroll through my contacts and stop at Wells' name. I sniff and call him. It's up to him to cheer me up now. I blame him anyway, for telling everyone about the identity-thing.

"Princess!" He picks up.

"Jackass," I shoot back. He chuckles and I roll my eyes.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"