Apocalypse [Pentatonix AU | Kavi / Scomiche]

Chapter 48 - Absolution

It had been another long few weeks of traveling, which meant they only had four more days until they reached Atlanta, until they reached their final destination. Avi couldn't wrap his mind around that.

It felt almost as if they'd been traveling forever. Avi could barely remember a time when they weren't on the road, could barely remember a time when Kirstie was still alive. It seemed so far away. It was strange to think that they were closer now to the CDC than to the prison, than to the church, than to the farmhouse, than to the school, than to anything. They were closer to the future than to the past, closer to the end than to the beginning. That was strange.

As the group continued to walk in silence, Avi let his thoughts drift to Kirstie, something he did more often than not. Instinctively he reached toward the untouched note in his pocket, his last piece of her. Although he'd been able to overcome the worst of his grief, the sickening and empty feeling of loss, that never went away. It lay heavy in the depths of his heart.

He thought back to their last kiss, imagined her hands on his cheek. Their last kiss was so seemingly insufficient, yet Avi remembered it vividly. They'd been lying together in their tent, minutes before the argument. Kirstie had just told him her fake story about the gang. She had giggled endlessly, which had forced a smile onto Avi's list despite his mock annoyance. He'd jokingly said he hated her. She'd reminded him that he loved her. Then he'd kissed her. It lasted less than a second, like they knew they'd be doing it for the rest of their lives.

It was a pleasant memory, one that Avi couldn't help but return to.

He especially liked to return to it in moments like these, when his fury toward Scott became overwhelming. Scott stood at the front of the group, walking alone. Even Mitch had refused to talk to him ever since his confession. Kevin was the only one who had seemed to forgive him, if only partially. Still, Scott was alone, and the immoral part of Avi was glad. In the darkest part of his mind, Avi wished Scott would suffer infinitely for what he did.

But the logical part, the part Avi didn't want to listen to, knew that Scott was suffering already. After all, Scott had known Kirstie long before Avi had met her. He'd loved her long before Avi had met her. So he was suffering, maybe even more than the rest of them.

Still, what he did was wrong. Avi knew that too. He should've saved her. He could've.

If this argument had ensued months ago, before Kirstie died, Avi would've left it at that. He would've let his conflict remain internal, would've continued to give Scott the cold shoulder. But Kirstie's death changed everything.

Before she died, he wasn't speaking to her. So when she did die, the guilt and weight of the argument was immediately permanent in Avi's chest. He could never get the closure that he so desperately needed, and that would haunt him until the day he died.

He didn't want things to end in the same way with Scott.

As much as Avi hated him in this moment in time, as much as Avi was completely furious with him, he couldn't have Scott die thinking that he hated him always. In actuality, Avi truly did love him. Scott was the last of his friends, the last of his family.

Avi wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

That night, the group set up camp in a ramshackle house, the ceiling completely caved in and now littering the floor beneath them. There were exactly four rooms, one for each of them.

Scott offered to take first watch, and Kevin agreed. Mitch barely acknowledged the gesture, while Avi had already disappeared into his room.

Soon the full moon was high in the sky, and Avi laid with open eyes on his mattress, hands folded across his chest as he stared up at the endless stars. In his mind, he tried desperately to work out what to say to Scott, but it was an impossible task. Whatever he planned, he knew he would forget it all in the heat of the moment.

Disregarding any and everything he even considered saying, Avi rose from his mattress silently and made his way into the cool night air. The wind whipped at his face, beating his cheeks and sending shivers down his spine.

Scott sat on a flat rock in the yard only a few paces away. He turned at the sound of Avi's footsteps, his gun raised. Slowly he set it down, crossing to meet Avi, who found it difficult to look him in the eye, so instead focused his eyes outward toward the line of the horizon.

"I've been trying," Avi said, keeping his voice monotone. "I've really been trying, Scott. Trying to understand why you did it."

Their eyes met. Tears were already filling Scott's.

"You made a mistake," Avi continued. "But I did to. I said that you killed her. And even though I'm angry with you, even though I'm furious with you, saying that was crossing a line. Not to mention the fact that it's completely untrue."

Scott was shaking his head. "No, I did. I did kill her."

"Shut the fuck up, Scott," Avi said, cracking a brief smile. Scott smiled reluctantly in turn. "And listen to me. You did not kill her. You had no more a hand in her death than any of the rest of us. Kirstie died that day because of the dead. You could've saved her, and you didn't. You chose to do what you thought was right. That doesn't make you a murderer by any means."

There was a pause, and Scott let the tears spill down his cheeks, his head nodding endlessly, clearly as a reflexive motion. Finally he spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Avi."

"I can't forgive what you did," Avi replied, voice quivering slightly as his eyes glossed over. "But I'm willing to try."

Scott now let out an audible sob, and Avi wrapped his arms around his large frame, feeling the heaving of Scott's chest against his own. Avi let his tears fall as well.

"Thank you," Scott said breathlessly.

"I love you, Scott."

"I love you too, Avi."