Apocalypse [Pentatonix AU | Kavi / Scomiche]

Chapter 46 - Endurance

Kevin awoke the next morning to laughter. The pleasant sound was unfamiliar in his ears, and surprising to say the least. He hadn't heard it since, well, since Kirstie's death.

Kevin knew that the others were far more impacted by the tragedy than he was, knew that he didn't have the right to grieve as much as they did. After all, he'd only known her for a couple of months. Yet within those months she'd become one of his closest friends. She wasn't only a friend either; she was an ally, a confidant, a sister. And now she was gone.

That was hard.

The laughter drew Kevin up from his mattress, caused him to search for the source of the noise. Upon walking into the living room of the small house, which was completely littered with rubble, he realized it was Mitch and Scott who'd been giggling softly.

The two were sitting, hand in hand, in the center of the room, talking in soft voices and staring outward at the sunrise. They turned as Kevin entered, pleasant smiles on their lips.

For the first time in weeks, Kevin smiled in return. They were all finally accepting Kirstie's death, were all finally moving forward in the only way they could.

Well, almost all of them.

Avi walked into the room seconds later, as expressionless and seemingly emotionless as ever. His once green eyes, which were now clouded over and practically gray, scanned the room slowly. Kevin, Mitch and Scott's smiles had faded as the three watched him cautiously.

He hadn't even cried since the day of her death. Hadn't spoken, had barely slept. Hell, he wouldn't even eat unless Kevin practically forced the food down his throat.

Avi Kaplan had become a walking corpse. And Kevin could no longer stand idly by.

"I think we should take a break today," Kevin announced, eyeing Avi before glancing back toward Mitch and Scott. "We've been traveling nonstop for weeks now. We should take at least today to recuperate, rest. It's important we don't push ourselves too hard."

Mitch and Scott were nodding their heads in agreement. Avi was unresponsive.

"I think I'll go on a supply run today, to that town we passed a few miles back. Hopefully they'll have something edible over there, so we can stock up for the next few months. Scott and Mitch, ya'll can rest here since I know you were up all night." The couple blushed, and only then did Kevin realize keeping watch wasn't the only thing that kept the two up.

Scott cleared his throat. "What about Avi?"

Kevin looked toward his closest friend, who refused to meet his gaze. "Avi, I think you should come with me. I shouldn't go alone."

Avi's eyes finally drifted toward Kevin's. The misery that was etched deep within them sent a shiver down Kevin's spine. Avi's lips stayed locked shot, but he tilted his head downward in a motion that only partially resembled a nod.

-

"I'm sorry," Kevin said after they had completely cleared out the walker-ridden grocery store. The nearest shelves were completely empty, however they knew if there was anything left it would be in the back.

Avi hadn't even looked toward Kevin as the two made their way toward the back of the store.

"About Kirstie," Kevin continued, noticing Avi's grasp on his gun had tightened at the mention of her name. Otherwise, though, he showed no indication that he was listening at all. Kevin inhaled slowly. "I never told you how sorry I was for your loss. I know how badly you're hurting over this, I can understand that. I've felt that. But Avi, it's been over a month. You need to talk about it sometime. Maybe not even about her, but you need to speak. We're all concerned, really concerned."

Avi's face remained unchanged, but Kevin had stopped walking mid aisle. Avi stopped as well, a few paces ahead, not bothering to turn to face Kevin.

Kevin heaved another sigh. "Okay, maybe you won't talk. But I will. I never told you about the last ever conversation I had with my wife, did I?"

Avi turned his head a half centimeter in Kevin's direction.

"She asked me if I believed in heaven." Despite himself Kevin chuckled, a laugh filled with anything but humor. "It was a strange question for her to ask, I'm sure you know that. Of course she of all people would know that I'm completely devout. At least, that's what I thought when she said it. And back then, I was devout. I was secure in my faith. I truly believed that there was a higher power out there, something bigger than all of us. But she questioned me, she questioned my faith. She asked me, if there is a God out there, why He would do this. And I actually had an answer for her." Once again Kevin let out a small laugh, but this one brought tears to his eyes. Tears of loss, tears of remembrance, tears of grief.

Avi had finally turned, his eyes trained on Kevin. Kevin met his stare, growing serious.

"I don't have an answer anymore, Avi. I don't have anything anymore. I don't have a family. I don't have devotion. I don't have faith. I don't have God. I've lost everything." Kevin's tears fell, his voice becoming weak. "Avi, I cannot lose you. I can not lose you too. So please, please, just talk to me."

Kevin's words hung in the air between them as he waited anxiously for something, anything, to pass Avi's parted lips.

"She thought I hated her."

His voice was the voice of a man who hadn't uttered a single sound in weeks. It was barely above a whisper, and was closer to a deep throaty vibration rather than a sentence. Yet those five broken words had the ability to crack Kevin's sore heart.

"I promise you, Avi. She did not."

Avi was shaking his head, tears spilling across his dirt stained face. "I broke her heart, Kevin. Over the most arbitrary, meaningless, stupid thing. I broke her heart. She thought I hated her, that I didn't want her. She thought I hated her."

"Avi-"

"I don't know how to live with that, Kev. I don't know how to live with myself anymore. She died thinking that I hated her. While she was suffering, while she was in agony, I was nowhere. I wasn't there for her in the one moment when she needed me the most. I can't live with myself knowing I did that. I'm disgusted with myself. Every second of every day, I'm disgusted by what I did. The guilt of what I did, Kev. I can't live with it."

Kevin finally crossed to Avi, who was now shaking from the weight and strength of his tears. Still, Kevin could tell he was holding back the full extent of his pain.

"She did not think you hated her, Avi," Kevin said carefully. "And I am not just saying that. I have actual, genuine knowledge that she did not think that. The night before she died, after the ambush, she came up to me and asked me that very question. She asked me if you hated her. I'm telling you this because I remember that the second she said it aloud, I could tell just by looking at her, just by seeing that shift in her eyes, that she herself knew that it wasn't true. She knew how much you loved her, no matter what you said. She knew, Avi. And she loved you so much in turn."

Avi gave a shaky nod, still holding back his grief. "I hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right. She loved you, Avi. Don't forget that."

Avi's lips showed the ghost of a smile. "Thank you, Kev," he barely whispered.

"I've missed you so much," Kevin replied with relief, pulling Avi against his chest.

And that small act of compassion allowed Avi to completely shatter in his brother's arms.