Closing Time: 11 PM

25. Missing The Sun When Snowing

Staring at the ceilings in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

Cause love comes slow

And it goes so fast

-Let Her Go, Passenger

#

My hands were cold and clammy.

I have been waiting outside my home for the past thirty minutes waiting for a cab but I didn't have any luck. Bea is waiting on a different street for me and all the taxis that passed by were occupied. I have to be out of here otherwise I'm dead. If I wouldn't make it on time, I'm losing him for good.

Good thing was that Bea came back after three minutes with an airport taxi. I wanted to complain for getting an expensive one but who am I to still say something at this time? What I am after is someone who means more than the cost of this cab. I knew that I'd better take it instead of waiting for another one.

"O sige na, ba-bye na!" I hurriedly bid my friend goodbye. I will just thank her some other time. "Ikaw na bahala dito sa bahay!"

"Oo, ako na," Bea told me. I was about to get in but Bea stopped me. "Pag nakita mo, anong gagawin mo?"

"Kakausapin ko," I said. What else? "Aalis na ko!"

"Teka," she stopped me again. She's causing me further delays. "Gaga! Pag nakita mo, sabihin mo magpakasal na kayo!"

"Pag sinabi ko yan, mas lalong hindi ako babalikan nun! Greatest fear nya yun," I said and closed the door. Nagmamadali na nga ako, tuturuan pa ako ng kalokohan nitong kaibigan ko.

The taxi driver noticed that I was in a hurry even if I didn't say anything. Hindi ako mapakali sa loob ng sasakyan kahit na hindi naman na humihinto yung driver.

He tried to avoid the streets with heavy traffic and so I was able to get to the airport just in time, thanks to him. I ran around to look for him and lucky enough, I found him carrying the same boy he was holding when I saw them at the mall a few days back. Beside him was Raffy and Cass. They were all laughing and smiling.

You can do it. All you have to do is walk up to him, ask if you can talk privately for a while, and you'll be okay.

I was about to take another step closer when I saw Chad hold Raffy's tummy. It made me stop on my tracks and remained standing where I was. I saw the smiling faces of Chad, Raffy, and the little boy.

Lalakad ka pa ba? Gugulo lang. Masaya na sya kasama pamilya nya.

I remained on my place looking at them. They look like one ideal and happy family from where I stood. Mukha namang mabait si Raffy, on an unbiased standpoint. Mabait si Chad. Who am I to take his family away from this kid he's carrying?

Hanggang saan ko ba kaya ipaglaban si Chad? Kahit ba pagdating sa kasalanan magagawa ko? Kahit na may pamilya sya, papayag ako dahil mahal ko? Kahit na may bata na madadamay?

And then I imagined Chad alone. I tried listening to my heart and it was only beating his name.

Then I included Raffy and their kids in the picture. The cute boy he was holding and the one she's still carrying. Soon enough, they would be a family of four.

And it gives me the same erratic heartbeat wanting to be with its ultimate pair.

They were talking about something I do not know and when I felt like I no longer could feel my limbs, I could no longer walk up to him, I made a decision.

Look my way Chad. If you look my way, then you know that you can feel my existence.

I looked at them as Chad continued talking to them. He was laughing, he would frown, he would smile, he would turn to the kid, and touch Raffy's tummy. But he never looked.