Loreen's P.O.V.
I hear Ethan yell something and then my name. It jerks me awake, unaware of what is going on. I suddenly feel the presence of his hand in my sweats and the pain from the cuts as he rubs his fingers against them.
Tears spring to my eyes when I look at his face. His face holds so much hurt and desire. The pain is terrible but what makes me cry is his expression. I jerk away from him and stand up, not being able to look at him.
My body shakes as I cry and I run to my bathroom. I can hear Ethan yelling for me and getting up to run after me. I close the door right as he reaches it and locks it too. I slide to the ground, ashamed of myself. Ethan pounds on the door begging me to let him in. I continue to sob. He gives up after five minutes and everything is quiet.
I wait about a half an hour to get up off the bathroom floor. I look into the mirror at my swollen puffy eyes and wish Ethan could do better. What does he see in me? Why does he love me so much? Why was I stupid enough to ruin Ethan's life by putting me in it?
But the one question that beats them all is: Why don't I care that I created a lot of drama in his life? I love him so much and he tells me he feels the same way. Is that why? Because he is the only one in a long time to actually care and go through the struggle for me because he actually loves me?
I wipe my face off and unlock the door and open it. I slowly walk out and see Ethan sitting on the bed, his head in his hands. Once he hears me, he shoots up off the bed and walks over to me fastly. He grabs my face and pulls his lips to mine.
I was expecting more of a lecture. He pulls back and looks at me. His eyes are a little red too. I caused him pain. Damnit!
He grabs my hand and walks over to the bed.
"I am not stupid. I know that a lot of things have been going on with you. I know a lot has been going on with us. I know I wouldn't talk to you and that scared you. I understand why you wanted me to talk now. I want you to talk to me. Why? What was it that pushed you over to hurt yourself?" he asked me.
I tell myself that I am not going to cry. I won't let myself. I have done enough crying for today. For the next couple months, actually. "It's just been everything. It hurt me so much when I thought that you didn't trust me so I couldn't trust myself. I became really insecure and turned back to cutting. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you and I needed to get the pain out of my chest and somewhere else. I'm sorry," I say to him.
He nods his head for a while. "Okay," he eventually says.
"I always cause you so much stress and drama and pain, Ethan. Why can't you see that I am not good for you?" I say.
His head shoots up and looks at me. "You are good for me, Loreen. Don't you get that? You are so different and unique that I am compelled to you. You are the only girl that I have ever thought about having a future with. The only girl that has ever made me feel so loved and show so much affection. You are good for me. I love you so god damn much it is unhealthy," he says. It warms my heart and my face goes red so I look towards the ground.
He tilts my head up. "Yeah. You heard me. I love you and I am never going to stop. But what is going to stop is your insecurity. You are amazing and beautiful and if I have to make you repeat that thousands of times to your reflection in the mirror, I will. I love you. Promise me you won't do it again, Lor."
I look at him and I can't help but promise him this. I nod my head while promising him that.
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A couple hours later we end up laying together in bed staring at each other. He holds me close to his clothed body wishing it was bare. I rub my hand up against his side of his leg, knowing that is his sweet spot.
He looks at me through his lashes and presses a delicate kiss to my mouth. The kiss is sweet and amazingly sexual. He rolls us around so he is slightly on top of me, his hand holding onto my side. He breaks apart from the kiss and moves down to take my sweats off. The air hits my legs and it feels nice. His hands travel from my feet to the cuts on my legs.
When he touches me, my skin feels like it is on fire. Everywhere he touches leaves hot trails on my skin. He kisses my foot, then my ankle. He moves to my shin, my knee, my thigh. He lightly kisses the cuts on my upper thigh and he pulls back.
"That is as much as we do. Tonight anyway. I love you, Loreen," he says. I groan in protest but he stands up. I get up and slid my pants on, a little frustrated.
"Wanna call a pizza?" I ask. We agree on an Extra Large Pineapple pizza. We start heading downstairs. We walk past the front room and out of the corner of my eye, I see two figures really close together. Really close together.
I back up a little and let out a shocked gasp and I see Grayson making out with her. With HER. This cannot be happening!
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Savior || E.D. ||
Fiksi PenggemarDirty Loreen struggles with life, like most teenagers. But unlike a lot of other teenagers, her father is abusive, sexually and physically. It really gets to Loreen but it isn't like she can do anything about it, she has no other family except for...
