keep it up ↠ joshler ✔

16

:::

tyler's mind was at war with himself.

it had fully convinced him that josh was only using him for something; that josh hated him. yet, it remained in love with the blue haired boy from the smoothie shop.

it was a battle between, "go away," and, "come back, i love you."

as tyler laid there face-up on the couch, he watched the ceiling fan spin in a mesmerized state, thoughts overwhelmed his head and filled it with false assumptions.

tears had never left his eyes. although they didn't flow down his cheeks or make it past his eyelids, they were just there, waiting for tyler to spill again.

he covered his face with his palms, feeling the high temperature of his forehead leak onto and warm his hands.

but he was too concerned with the previous realizations to notice or even feel that he had a horrible migraine. the last hour was simply spent on the couch staring at the fan. he followed it with his eyes, watching it spin over and over again, distracting his mind from josh for once these past few hours.

suddenly, the front door opened and slammed shut, letting in a short, cool breeze. tyler jolted up in surprise, turning to meet mocha eyes.

"hey," josh said, ripping off his jacket, "sorry i had to leave this morning; there was somewhere i needed to be that i completely forgot about. it's all good now, though-"

"josh, what the fuck?" tyler cut him off, his voice broken and shaky.

"i left you a note, i put it over-"

"why are you here? why are you doing this to me?" tyler cried out, still not allowing tears to roll down his red face.

josh tilted his head slightly, confused. "what are you talking about?"

"stop lying to me!" tyler yelled again.

"i'm not-"

"what is it, then? what are you keeping from me?!"

josh sighed. his chest clenched; his face fell. "tyler-"

"no, stop, i don't..." tyler sat back down, placing his cold hands on his burning forehead. "i don't want to know."

josh hesitated before speaking again. "how do you know? how... how did you find out?"

"it's obvious! why you don't tell me anything about yourself, why you didn't even tell me about mikey-"

"-we broke up..."

tyler silenced for a moment. "...what?"

"mikey and i? i, um, walked in to find him kissing this guy named pete..."

josh's eyes fell, "it wasn't just a one time thing, either, because pete even greeted me and introduced himself as mikey's boyfriend, not knowing i existed.... we had a pretty big fight... but pete didn't care that mikey cheated and the two are together now..."

"oh...sorry..." was all tyler was able to respond with.

the two stood there, neither speaking a word nor looking at each other. that is, until tyler finally spoke up again.

"then why are you here?"

"...why wouldn't i be?"

"why?" tyler cut him off for the third time, his heart twisting, bending, and breaking all at once. "why are you here? you just admitted it; you're using me for some cruel game. well, josh, it's not gonna work anymore. so why are you still here?