keep it up ↠ joshler ✔

28

:::

tyler decided to take a nap.

it was something to get this mind off josh, and after all, the doctors had been recommending lots of rest.

it was only when tyler was asleep when josh came back.

seeing him there with dried tear stains down his cheeks and blankets that were twisted and flipped beyond what could be considered natural only made josh feel worse.

not being able to bring himself to disturb tyler, josh only took a seat on his bed, thinking things over.

"he never stopped crying, by the way."

josh looked over at patrick in the bed next to him.

"you really hurt him. bad. he even cried himself to sleep."

josh turned to look at his hands instead, not being able to look patrick in the face. he didn't want to hear what he was saying.

"you're a dumbass for not telling him, by the way. even when you first told me months ago that you weren't going to tell him, i thought it was dumb. now look at you."

"why are you telling me this then? pointing out how stupid i was isn't going to change anything." josh replied quietly, still looking down at his hands,

"because he's a wreck without you. i've only known him for, what, a day and a half? and i can already tell he needs you, dude."

sighing, josh knew patrick was right.

he never meant to hurt tyler, or even keep it from him. it started as a topic that just never came up, then began to snowball into a secret when he began telling lies.

meeting tyler in the shop was one of the best days of josh's life, but it's not like he knew he would end up falling in love with him right away, or even become friends. it was just a chance meeting in a smoothie shop.

but more happened than just a conversation. josh became infatuated with the kid. tyler didn't like life. he wanted it to end; he wasn't realizing its potential and what he could make of it.

because as tyler wanted his life to end, josh's life was being ripped out from under him.

with that, josh became determined to help tyler appreciate life, and that he had one to live for years upon years.

he never wanted this to happen.

he never wanted to make tyler feel like this, or to even keep anything from him at all.

patrick was right.

a few minutes later, tyler began to stir. josh wondered whether he should go over to him or just let tyler see him, but patrick insisted he'd be there for tyler from now on.

"josh?" tyler questioned in a whisper, his mind not yet awake but able to make out the blue haired figure sitting on the end of his bed.

"hey, man," josh replied quietly.

"wait- josh," tyler suddenly pushed himself up into a sitting position, staring wide eyed at josh.

josh gulped as tyler shrunk slightly.

the two fell into silence, neither knowing what to say, or if there were even words to explain how they both felt.

"i-" josh began, trying anything, before being cut off by tyler.

"what is it?"

"what?"

"w-what... what is it?"