keep it up ↠ joshler ✔

25

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"hey ty," josh asked the next day. the two were back in the hospital room, tyler sitting on his bed with josh across from him.

"yeah?"

"how do you ask a glass of water how it's doing?"

"why... why would you ever need to do that?" tyler responded.

"just answer already."

"a glass of water is an inanimate object and incapable of human speech, emotion, thought process, or any other type of intellectual action."

"no."

"what?"

"you say, 'water you doing', obviously."

tyler laughed, throwing a pillow at a smiling josh.

"dude, that was like, so bad."

"bad jokes are my specialty, you should know that."

"it's not an excuse!"

tyler attempted to sit up, using josh's hands to help pull him, and ended up sitting across from josh, still holding his hands.

"okay then, joshua, i have a question for you."

"yeah?"

"yep-" tyler pauses for a second, but only to let out a small giggle, "is there a hole in your shoe?"

"what kind of question is that?"

"answer already, c'mon,"

"tyler, i'm wearing socks,"

"is there a hole in your shoe?"

"no, ty, there's not."

"then how do you get your foot into it?"

josh laughed, and tyler prepared for himself to be shoved off the bed, until they remembered their current situation. it didn't stop them from pathetically breaking out in heaps of laughter, though.

"you're such a nerd." josh said, smiling softly.

"don't call me a nerd, nerd."

"fine, loser."

"geek."

"square."

"ugh. okay. this may come as a surprise, but i don't actually enjoy insulting you."

"honestly, i'm shocked."

tyler stuck his tongue out at josh.

josh did the same back to tyler.

"i hate you." tyler pouted.

"oh, tyler, you know i hate you more."

"really? you're sure about that?"

"positive."

tyler smiled as josh pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"d'you know what i really want right now?" tyler asked, slowly leaning back onto the pillows and looking up at the ceiling.

"another smoothie?"

tyler smirked, "no, not now, but first i want you to lay next to me."

tyler moved to the left a bit, leaving space for josh to lay on his back next to tyler.

the two just looked up at the plain white ceiling.

"okay, what do you really want, ty?"

"a skylight."

"not to get out of here? go home?"

"nope. well, yeah, but i'll get out in a few days. meanwhile, the ceiling is boring. i want to look at the stars."

josh squinted, trying to picture it. "why?"

"they're cool. they like, put everything in perspective, you know?"

"since when did you feel like this about stars?"

"i dunno. i was thinking about it earlier. space is so big, it makes our problems seem so small."

josh shrugged, "i guess so, but they still exist."

this cued a lull in the conversation.

tyler lowered his eyebrows, still staring up at the ceiling. the same ceiling he was staring at only a few hours ago, when he realized there was still something he needed to know the answer to.

"where were you?" he finally said, turning to face josh.

"what do you mean?"

"where were you when i.. when i had my heart attack? you had just rushed out; you said you had to go. where?"

"'s not important, ty."

"yeah, i know, that's what you always say. i want a specific place. proper nouns, joshua."

"why do you even care?" josh asked, raising his voice the slightest bit.

tyler furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why this was upsetting josh so much.

"because i care about you and you're my boyfriend? why won't you tell me?"

"because it's not important!" josh retorted.

"and- also, how did you even know i was here? i told a nurse not to tell anyone, and she promised. it's why jenna and my parents aren't here, so why are you? how did you know?"

" i said it's not important!" josh said, slightly yelling this time.

tyler shut his eyes tightly; he couldn't stand raised voices. all he could hear was his mother yelling at him to get out of her house and make something of himself if he didn't want to be disowned.

"you can trust me, josh. i don't care whether or not it's important, i just want to know!"

"oh my god." josh sighed, sounding exasperated. "will you just let it go?"

tyler ignored the tears poking behind his eyes. "it's important to me, josh. please, just-"

"drop it, tyler." josh growled.

at that moment, tyler felt something he'd never thought he'd feel around josh: fear. and what has tyler always done when he was afraid? cover it up.

tyler huffed angrily. "drop it? are you kidding me? i know you're hiding something from me. i've always known. we've been together for ages now and i am just asking one stupid little question about where you went. i thought you were going to say you had to pick up something for your mom at the grocery store or something! i tell you everything, josh. you've could've at least lied or something. but don't tell me to drop it!"

josh just gaped at him for a moment, surprised at his outburst. "tyler-"

he was interrupted by the door opening. a doctor walked in, carrying a clipboard.

"josh," the doctor began, to tyler's surprise,

"you're late for weekly chemotherapy. this way."

without a word, and without looking at tyler, josh stood up and followed him right through the door.