Mieko's journal

Jan 23, 24, 28, 29,30, 31

Thursday Jan 23. 

Topic: What are you afraid of?

A better question would be what am I not afraid of. Because if we're being honest I scared of everything. 

People scare me. Love scares me. The thought of commitment could send me into a panic attack. 

There's a whole list of things that scare me but right now one really sticks out.

That one being my moms boyfriend. He has been here since she has. He looks at me weird. It's like he leers at me. Sometimes I feel like he purposely finds reasons to touch me. I don't like being touched. Especially by strange men. 

I think I should say something about it to my mom. She doesn't know about what happened that day with the therapist no on does, but hopefully she'll understand.

~Meiko 

Friday Jan 24. 

So I've been writing about Mrs. Mariano & the topics lately & I completely forgot to write about the BEST THING EVER!!! Josh is sleeping over this weekend. 

Even when I had friends none of them ever came over. Let alone slept over. This is taking our relationship to a whole new level. 

Did I just say relationship? I meant friendship. We're just friends. 

Thats ok with me but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if we were something more than friends.  

I'm gonna go get ready for Josh to get here. Which really means I'll be worrying about how you get ready for a sleep over. Maybe I should Google it. 

NO!

I'm over thinking this. 

Just go with the flow.

~Meiko 

Tuesday Jan 28. 

It is about 4 in the morning but I never got to tell you about my weekend with Josh. To start of I wanna say it was perfection.

 He came over Friday night & we left for school together on Monday morning. So much happened in such a short amount of time. I don't even know where to start. Chronological order would make sense but logic flew out the window the day I meet him. 

So we kissed on Saturday. It was early in the morning & I was thinking that he was really cute. But I actually said it out loud he smiled & told me I was cute to. I got really embarrassed & when I looked back up at him he was right in my face & we kissed. It was perfect. I don't know how else to describe it. 

I got high for the first time on Saturday night. He had these pills I have no idea what they are but I took one. Being high was very interesting. It took a while to kick in but when it did everything was crazy. Again I can't really explain it, but I wanna try. All the colors in the room brightened. The room itself expanded. The amazing part was Josh. He was glowing. He literally looked like a fucking angel. I couldn't resist an angel. Something about him was so magnetic that I just kissed him without thinking. The feeling was amazing. I feel like we melted into eachother. I don't know why they tell us not to do drugs in school. Drugs are perfect.

I think my word of the day or weekend was perfect. We did alot of talking & stuff but those were the 2 big things. We ate 4 whole pizzas on Friday night & we watched movies most of the day Saturday. On Sunday I attempted to get him to read, he tried to get me to watch sports. Niether worked but it was fun.

I already said this but the weekend was perfect. I wish I could tell you the entire thing but if I'm being honest I'm to lazy to write it out. I remember every single perfect detail though. 

~Meiko 

Wednesday Jan 29. 

Boys are so confusing. I know I said they were stupid back when everything happened with Aiden but this is different. I'm not sure whats going on with Josh. It's like we just went back to our friendship after this weekend. If we won't be kissing anymore thats fine by me. But I need to figure out what type of pills he had because I'm not gonna give those up so easily.

Topic: Whats it like being a 90's baby?

I don't know. I was born in the 90's but I assume it was like being born in any other time. 

I was only 4 when the 90's ended but I still watch all of the 90's shows. I listen to the music & of coarse watch the movies. I think being a 90's baby is like being awesome by association. 

Just because the 90's were an amazing time period for entertainment. I'd like to think the kids born during that time will be equally awesome.

From what I've seen so far it is the stupidest generation to ever hit the planet. But things can always change.

~Meiko 

Thursday Jan 30. 

I wonder what its like to have siblings. I'm an only child in case you haven't noticed. I know I should be spoiled rotten according to the stereotypes but I'm not. I'm not spoiled at all actually. That may or may not be because my moms a selfish bitch. But hey who am I to judge?

 I'm off topic again. If there even is a topic for this. I guess I can vent about my mom. 

So like I said she's a selfish bitch. I got a letter in the mail saying that I could go to Australia for 2 weeks. FUCKING AUSTRALIA!!!! Thats literally my freaking dream. What does the bitch have to say about it? She says no. Out right no. She didn't even consider it. Like what type of parent is that?  Anyways I'm starting to wish she would have gone back packing across Europe. Maybe Mrs. Mariano was right for reporting her. She's definitely an unfit parent.

~Meiko 

Friday Jan 31. 

I've been reading over some parts of my journal & I just realized something. I'm extremely dramatic. My emotions are all over the place. You would think I was just going through puberty or something. 

I think I'm a few years behind everyone thats my age, mentally & emotionally.

 I hear girls at lunch talking about loosing there virginity & having sex. I just got my first kiss over the weekend. People at lunch always talk about how ready they are to leave their parents for college. Even though I'm pretty sure I hate my mom right now I can't imagine living without her. 

I'm just realizing all of this. That & the fact that I have crazy mood swings that make no sense whatsoever. I'm pretty pathetic.

This is not ok. I need to get myself together.

~Meiko 

( Sooo I haven't updated in a while and I'm sorry but I hope this was good)