Mieko's journal

February

Saturday Feb 1.

So it' about 5 in the morning. I just got home. Josh and I went to a "get together". Its like a party but alot smaller. 

I got high again, but this time it wasn't pills. It was weed. It's a different feeling but still good. The changes were alot more subtle this time. I was more calm than excited. I was really hungry though. Now I see why they call them the munchies. I wanted to eat EVERYTHING. Including Josh's face. 

Ok that sounds really weird, but it was my way of saying that we kissed again. ALOT. It was amazing. He's amazing. I really like kissing him.

~Meiko 

Monday Feb 3.

Bad news. The people that Mrs. Mariano called think that I should get taken away from my mom. They came over on Saturday night & I wasn't home. My mom didn't know where I was so I guess they figured she wasn't fit to raise me. 

I don't understand the point of all this. I'll be 18 in a few months. So why go through all of this trouble for nothing? My mom has raised me for this long. They should let her finish. If I wanted to go I'm perfectly capable of going on my own, I choose to be here. I don't always like it here, but this is the only home I've ever known. 

~Meiko 

Tuesday Feb 4. 

Josh kissed me a lunch! I know it may not seem that way but thats a huge deal. Until today he only kissed me when we were high. It was a nice change. Aiden the guy from genetics class saw us kissing & for some reason he told me that Josh was a bad guy & not to get involved with him. I told him that Josh was an amazing person & friend. Then I told Aiden to mind his business.

I don't get it. Aiden hasn't said one word to me since that day we hung out. Now all of a sudden he cares about me & the things I do? It doesn't make sense. I'd like to think he's jealous. Thats usually the case when stuff like this happens in the books I read. Sadly my life isn't a book & Aiden would never get jealous over me. 

~Meiko 

Friday Feb 7.

Topic:Where is your favorite place in the world?

As of now? Josh's room. I've been spending alot of time in there lately. We kiss, we talk, we smoke, we listen to music. His room is kinda like my happy place. 

My mom has been disappearing for hours at a time everyday. When I start to worry I go over to Josh's house. We smoke & everything is ok again. When I'm in his room I forget everything. I forget that my mom is missing. I forget that my moms boyfriend is a creep that probably does drugs. I forget that I'm not normal.

 I forget everything but Josh. His face. His smile. How his lips feel on mine. How happy he makes me. 

~Meiko 

Saturday Feb 8. 

I think I write about Josh to much, but he's the only thing positive I have to write about.Maybe I shouldn't talk about him so much. I'm starting to really depend on him. Honestly it's starting to scare the shit out of me. 

Before when I was upset I would turn to books. Now I turn to Josh. In a way its a whole lot better. I'm not on the emotional train wreck books leave me to deal with. At the same time it's infinitely worse. Josh can leave me. Books don't go anywhere. If I loose him I have no idea how I would pull myself back together. 

I don't think I'd be able to & thats what scares me. I was content living in my own little world. Now that I know what its like to be happy instead of just content I can't imagine ever going back.