In Love With A Sociopath

Chapter 31

KEVIN'S POV

10 years. If I'd known that the sentence would be so goddamn long, then I wouldn't have burned down that fucking church. Why did it matter? It was abandoned and the only people who actually went there were teenagers who wanted to "sin" in the parking lot.

Leaning against the fence, I examine the filths that I'll have to be surrounded by for the next decade. The mere thought causes me to grit my teeth and curl my fingers into a fist.

If Mary had actually done the deed with me then she'd be here as well. It's a shame, really. We could have had some interesting times here. But she'd never take a risk like that. Stealing that blasted packet of chips from the store over a year ago was enough for her anyway.

I curl the corner of my lip up at the memory. She'd never let go of that one tiny piece of innocence that she has.

Not gonna lie, it makes it more entertaining to mess with her. It's so easy to manipulate her because she'll always believe that there's a little bit of good in me.

But isn't there a little good in everyone?

I laugh,"No...no of course not."

But she's so hard to let go of. Mary is something that will be mine. She'll always be mine. In all honesty, she's the only thing that I'll never want to let go of.

Even our daughter, Celia, isn't too bad. Who knows, maybe I'll teach her archery when she grows up.

But I have to get out of this fucking place first.

Although...even if I do get out, there's no saying that Mary will take me back. At Gladstone, several years ago, she wasn't angry with me. She was...hurt, I think? Probably because she thought that I screwed Laura Woolford on the floor of the gym right before I drove an arrow through her heart. Of course I didn't, but Eva said enough to make her think so.

But this time.

The arson.

She was angry. She was furious. And she looked like she wanted to kill me. And I can't help, but smile because it made me realize that she's more like me than I thought.

If I randomly showed up at our house...would she open the door? Or call the cops?

This is the first time when I can't predict what Mary will do.

The only thing I can do is to just take a shot. If Mary still has the mindset that I'll change, then she might just take me in no matter how much it will spite her or my mother.

Hell, if I'm lucky, I might even get laid.

Whenever Mary tries to act "sexy" or "dirty" in bed, it almost makes me laugh. Not in a way that it's ridiculous. She looks...cute when she does it. So many times, she got pissed at me because I couldn't help but chuckle when she tried to do a sensual pose in her lingerie. 

But I couldn't help it. She just looked so...adorable. The complete opposite of what she was going for. It didn't matter. I thought it was quite amusing and it was one of the many things that made me so attached to her.

Preferably, I use the word attached. Obviously, I tell her constantly that I "love" her. But that's only to see if SHE loves me. 

There is no "love" in my mind. Love means empathy. And for me, empathy is a waste of time. Even for someone like Mary, I just won't be able to put myself in her shoes. I can tell when she's upset and I'll try to make her feel better. But that's only because when she's upset, it makes my life about ten times more difficult.

Still. I need to get the hell out of this place. 10 years is too long and the only way I'll stay here is if they kill me.

I need Mary in my life. She has a way of keeping my mentality at strength. And I'm not going to give her up.