Deserving | ✔

Chapter 35

The wiper blades are working constantly for the past half an hour, getting rain droplets away from the front glass of my car. I am driving back to New York City from Lancaster, slowly in the heavy rain. It has been two days since Dad told me about Mom's death. We didn't talk about it afterwards, except for the other night.

He was lying on his bed, wide awake apparently, and I was on the couch, trying not to doze off in case he needs something. He faintly called my name and I immediately was at his side. He just held my hand and looked at me with so much guilt in his eyes. And he started crying. I quickly embraced him and just let him cry, because it seemed like he really needed to let it out.

He began saying over and over, "I should've gone after that company. I should have been like you!"

I couldn't say anything at that time, but I couldn't help but muse what would have happened if Dad had gone after them. Ever since Mom died, my Dad was a very huge pillar in my life. Usually, a gentleman is raised by a mother's love. Kids without the care and affection of a mother tend to grow out rugged and raw. But I, on the other hand, was nothing like that. I believe that I am this way because of my Dad. He didn't even try to fit in Mom's shoes, because no one ever can replace her. Instead, he painted an image in my mind that constantly told me what Mom would've said or did if she were here. Dad never let me feel Mom's absence for a second. It is usually believed that talking about a dead loved one brings a lot of hurt and pain in your mind. Bur Dad and I lived those twelve years of our life talking about Mom, as if she were right there with us. I was and am always grateful for the kind of father he was to me. And I couldn't imagine how that fatherliness in him would've been affected if he had taken that vengeful look that I am sporting right after Stephanie's death.

In that moment, I contemplated whether I am doing right by going after the men who killed my love. But that thought was immediately trashed out because I have nobody to look after like my Dad did. He had me so he was required to move on. I, on the other hand, have nobody like that. The only person I had that I could look after and grow old with left me. So I have no purpose in life. Well, except if you consider finding the monster that killed Stephanie and avenging her by finishing his life.

These thoughts roam my head as I drive closer to my home. Dad was alright now and could walk properly, though his arm was still fractured. But he promised that he would take care of himself and asked me to go to my house and stop babysitting him. And so, here I am, half - heartedly going back to home.

I am soon at my driveway and I park my car inside and kill the ignition. Taking my seatbelt off, I think of all the things I have to tell Trisha and I gulp. I don't know how she will take the JP thing. Could I ever gain her trust again? How will I ever prove that I will not go to that dark side again? I shake my head as I get rid of the whirlwind of anxious thoughts.

Getting out from my car, I take the stairs and reach my front door. Taking the keys and unlocking the apartment, I enter the living room. On the kitchen counter, I see Trisha's note saying that she was out with Daniel for the night and will be back tomorrow morning.

Oh, so that was why Daniel didn't pick up the call when I began from Lancaster. Lucky bastard finally got a date with Tri. This also means she is out of that shock she was in when JP misbehaved with her. I sigh. She's alright.

No sooner than I dumped my body on my bed, the calling bell rang. It was like the world didn't want me to rest.

I groan and go open the door. Leril is standing outside. Her chocolate brown eyes scan me from head to toe and then she sighs, her shoulders relaxing.

"Hi, Phillip," she says, her voice lower in pitch and almost husky.

"Leril," I address her and let her in.