Deserving | ✔

Chapter 1

SIX MONTHS AGO

She's gone.

She's not here. Where has she gone? I have no idea. She's not here, that's all I know.

"Mr. March? Mr. March?" I hear someone call. I don't respond.

"Mr. Phillip March?" I hear a woman say again.

Someone pats on my shoulder.

I don't respond to that either. Why should I respond when all I have to do now is figure where the girl I love went?

"Phillip?" I hear a familiar voice and I glance at the hand on my shoulder. My friend looks at me with pity and sorrow in his eyes. Those are the last things I want. My priority is finding where my love went.

I hear my friend talk to the woman who earlier called my name.

"Hello, ma'am. I am Ian Cohen, Stephanie's step brother. Phillip is in shock, so if you don't mind, you can ask me whatever you need to know."

The lady replies, "I just want a confirmation of the identification of the body. I want your signature to state that she's Stephanie Scott. And it has to be someone who's legally related to her. How are you her step brother?"

"My parents are her legal guardian since her parents' death. So that makes me her step brother. Can I sign it, then?"

"Sure, here you go." I see him holding a pad, signing the papers she asked him to.

"Don't sign it." Ian stops, hearing me.

"Excuse me?" The lady says.

"Don't sign it, because that's not Stephanie. I know her and she's not that wrecked damage that I saw here."

"Forgive him, Ma'am. He's not himself right now. Here you go," he gives the pad to her and the lady leaves after giving a skeptical glare at me.

"Buddy, do you want to -"

"Why did you lie, Ian?" I ask. He hangs his head.

"Stephanie is not here. That body they showed us didn't have one similarity to the girl I love. Except for the physical appearance. You know it too. Why did you sign it then? Stephanie is elsewhere. She's not here. She left me and then she went off somewhere and when we came here these wrecked people show us a wrecked body of something that used to be Stephanie's which is now a body. Where is Stephanie? These bloody people don't know. They're wasting our time!" I shout.

About ten people who were present in he scene whisk their head to us.

"Sorry, folks." Ian says and grabs my arm.

"Come on, buddy. Let's get you home."

That sounds really great. Because I really hope Stephanie will be there.
***

Once we are in my home, I get the feeling. The feeling that she's not here. And it doesn't feel like my home without her. It feels so alien.

"She's not here, Ian," I say. He looks at me and shakes his head. And then he moves to the kitchen counter.

"She won't be there for sure. You know she sucks at cooking!"

Hearing that, Ian stiffens. He lunges forward at me and grabs my shoulder to make me sit on the couch.

"Stephanie is dead, okay Phillip? She's not here, she's not in the kitchen, she's not on the place where she died. She's far far away from us, okay? She left us. She is DEAD. You got that in your head? Now stop acting like a moron and start mourning, will you? Because you can't find her here or anywhere," he says and tears fall from his eyes.

I push him away and go to my bedroom. I lock the door and lay down at her side of the bed. That always annoys her.

I chuckle, thinking what all she would say if she saw me on her side of the bed.

"Phillip!!"
"Roll over NOW!!"
"I hate you!"
"Get out, A - hole!"
"I can't believe you! You always try to annoy me, Phillip."

I find something beneath my foot. It's her jeans. She had been wearing it all week because our washing machine of on repair and she didn't want to spend money on laundry. These worn out jeans had her inside for one whole week. Lucky bitch.

I pull the jeans towards me and snuggle it close to my chest.

"God, it feels nice," I say when I inhale the sweet smell of Stephanie in it.

Ian is an idiot. Stephanie's not gone. She's right here, in her worn out unwashed jeans' smell.

***
I don't know when I fell asleep, but I wake up to the bright light in my room. "Steph! I'm gonna use the five second rule... Close the curtains and I'll move to my side of the bed. No sorries, no hard feelings. Five..."

There's no four from her.

"Stephanie?"

"It's Ian, buddy."

I open my eyes and it is Ian. Not Stephanie. "Come out, Phillip. We need to talk. It's about Stephanie."

I sit up on my bed immediately.

"Is she - is she coming back?"

"No, idiot, she's not. She's - oh God, just come out."

He storms out of my room and I follow him. "Look, you need to know what happened to Stephanie."

"What happened to her?"

"What do you remember, Phillip?'

"Two days back, we were at her office party. She drank a little too much, became wobbly and crazy as usual, so I had to take her home. I stopped on the way at a drug store to get Aspirin for her much awaited hangover and when I came back, the car was gone. With her."

Ian gulps. He runs his hand through his hair and rests his head on his hands before looking up at me.

"Well, when you were gone, she probably might have shifted to the driver seat and drove off. She was drunk, she drove crazily and hit a big tree on the roadside. Hit her head badly. Died on spot."

Died on spot. Stephanie met with an accident and she died on spot. I feel those words sharply cutting through my heart, my mind, my nerves. "She's - she's dead?"
Ian, who is crying his heart out, just nods and hugs me.

"She's dead?" I repeat. I want to repeat the question a hundred times, till I get no for an answer.

But God is not good enough to give everybody what they want. He's the villain who gives hope to give what they want and then doesn't actually does it half the time. And now, I'm at the unlucky half.

Suddenly, my mom's words seek their way to me. "Never hate God." Well, you said that and left my life, Mom. Easy for you. I'm having a tough time here, trying to believe those words, much less follow. And now, the woman who took care of me after you left me had joined you, leaving me alone again. How do you expect me to believe in God?

***