Deserving | ✔

Prologue

I never knew I'd be here. Of all the places I imagined, I never knew I'd be at your grave, Stephanie. But then, I also didn't know that you would go away from me. I didn't know that you'd slip away from my fingers. And that I'd let you get away.

I didn't know the ghosts of your past well. I didn't know they still swirled around you.

I knew nothing.

Except that the stain of blood on my palm and my shirt means so much to me. And to you. You deserve to celebrate it, love. You are deserving for this blood.

And so am I.

That moment, that moment where my thirst was satisfied, my quest was complete, that moment... I finally felt I got what I deserved. You got what you deserved. And he got what he deserved.

But, what now? You sure aren't coming back. My life goal I set six months ago is done. My old life? My routine? That died when you died.

I could start a new life. There are 7 billion people in this world and it's not tough to start a new life if you want to.

But that's my problem. I don't want to start a new life. You are my life. There is no other Stephanie in the seven billion. I don't want that life without you, Steph.

A butterfly flies past me and sits on your grave. It's a beautiful baby blue shaded one with a tint of green. It reminds me of her eyes.

I briefly smile.

So this is what I'll do. Smile at beautiful memories of you. Beautiful. But memories.

This is how I'll cope up.

Someone taps my shoulder. I turn to see a girl standing. She's younger than me, probably twenties.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but I have never seen you here before. I mean, I'm not a frequent visitor or something, or maybe I am. Hm. Weird.

"Anyways, I've never seen you here. You see, I'm a writer. Well, barely. Let's say I'm a writer who's seeking inspiration. This graveyard has a lot of inspiration. Well, not the graveyard, but the people. Not the ones buried, sorry. Oops. Sorry for offending you guys. May you rest in peace.

"Well, my point was the people who visit here are great inspirations. They have beautiful stories on their life and they have deep reasons to visit the graveyard. So I started to talk to everyone who visits this place. You'd be amazed at how many people visit here. I'm talking like 10 to 15 a week. I know. Sounds depressing but it's actually a kind of therapy, I guess. A moment of looking back into the past and visiting someone you knew even if they're not here anymore.

" Some of them are like regular visitors and I know most of the grave's visitors. I've never seen anyone by this grave and you're here now and you're new. So I just wanted to come over and talk to you like I always do to other people. Anyways," she lets out a deep breath.

"I'm Cara Matthews. And you are?"

I smile a little. This English accented girl has a monologue I'd kill for. She has the same spirit as Stephanie.

"Phillip March."

"Well hello Phillip March," she sits beside me, facing Stephanie's grave, "What's your story?"

When I open my mouth to refrain, she says, "Don't worry. Your story will be safe with me. Except if you find a bit of it in my nonexistent novels. Telling your story to a stranger will actually make you feel good if you are stressed. And I can tell, you're way past stressed. You need to let it out. And I'm your window. So now, what's your story?"

I open my mouth again to say 'no thanks' when an image of Stephanie passes inside my head, nudging me to share all of it.

Really, Steph? To this strange girl?

But I'll do it if that's what you want. Anything for you, love.

"Okay, I'll tell you my story," I say out loud to Cara.

Looks like I'm going to spend the whole day here, Stephanie.

"Let me introduce to my dearest girlfriend, Stephanie Scott."

I pat her grave and lean in to kiss it.

"Why did you just do that?"

"It's just something I always do. When I introduced her to someone, I kiss her cheeks."

She smiles.

"You two were a perfect couple, weren't you?"

"Yup. We are made for each other. Our story is... I don't know, one of a kind. To sum it up in a line, she's the best thing that happened in my life."

She gives me a pitiful smile.

"Why the pity?"

"You are using present tense when you're talking about her. You haven't even gotten used to the fact of her demise."

I think about it. "It's true, I guess."

She pats my shoulder. "You will move on, eventually."

We'll see about that.

"Anyways, I met her during my junior year of high school. Been together ever since."

"Wow, that's a lot of years!"

"Seven, to be exact. But it isn't long enough. It's never long enough with her."

We remain silent for a while.

"Oh, so you're gonna pull a 'Fault in Our Stars' with me?" she asks.

"What do you mean?"

"You know Hazel's eulogy. She said that she wouldn't talk about her love story because it's only theirs and will die with them."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't wanna share my moments with Stephanie with anyone."

"So why don't you tell me the moments without her. What happened after..."

"Her death?"

She nods.

"Yeah, how did she die?"

I look at her straight in the eye and say, "The most brutal way..."

And I start living back to six months ago. January 12th.

*Hi guys! Please don't misunderstand the above prologue and judge the book vengeful. It's not in that dark track, trust me. So, are you interested in seeing what actually is happening and stuff? I sure am! ;)

Thanks to the amazing @emptzu for editing!

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