APRIL FOOLS ≠ calum hood

t h u r s d a y , m a r c h 2 5 t h

DAY 25
IRIS

Calum hasn't spoken to me since our fight on Saturday.

He's completely avoided me in every class, and I think everyone could tell we were fighting. He sat in between Luke and Michael at lunch instead of his usual seat, and acted as if I weren't there.

His friends had given us looks and all but hadn't asked anything. I could tell Charlie wanted to say something, but every time she almost did, Ashton would stop her.

His friends had also been nicer to him, they seemed scared to upset him. Acting as if he were a bomb and one little thing could create a spark and light his fuse. But they knew better than I did. Although assholes for a while now, they had known him for years. I had only known him for a month at this point.

But I was getting sick of it. We were sitting in study hall right now, at separate tables, and it was almost over.

With a sigh, I got up and sat across from him. He didn't even bother to glance up from his phone.

"Calum," I plea, lightly tapping him.

"What do you want?" He snaps, finally making eye contact with me. He looked pissed.

"To apologize," I mumble. "I didn't mean what I said on Saturday. I was hungover and upset and I shouldn't have said that to you. I wanted to take it back the second it cake out of my mouth, and I'm really sorry about it."

He looks at me for a moment, features changing. I can't tell with what emotion, but it doesn't seem like he's pissed at me anymore. But he stays silent.

"You were right," he mutters.

I tilt my head at him and furrow my eyebrows. What does he even mean by that? He doesn't look angry anymore, just disappointed.

"You were right, Iris." Calum laughs bitterly. "I do this shit to act out so my parents and friends will notice and give a shit about me but they don't. They never have and they never will. And I'm sick of it. Sometimes I don't even want to live anymore, it sucks. my parents are supposed to love me, but all they care about is money. And my friends? They're fucking assholes. The only reason they haven't been lately is because on Saturday I almost attacked Luke and they figured out something was up with us. But they don't give a fucking shit about me, Iris. Friends shouldn't make you want to kill yourself."

For a moment, I sit back and just look at Calum. His usual chocolate brown eyes had darkened, and glossed over. He was on the verge of tears, but he was also pissed.

And he has a right to be. The people in his life, that he obviously cares so much for, don't ever show they care. It's unfair to him, and he deserves so much better. And, yeah; it pains me to hear him say he wants to die.

This popular jock who I had always assumed lived a normal life and partied for fun, was not at all what I expected.

Calum was depressed.

Calum didn't party for fun; he partied to try and get attention from the people he loves. He partied to take his mind off of things. He partied because alcohol and sleeping around was his temporary fix, and it made him feel better at the time.

No matter how shitty it made him feel after.

This boy who I had assumed was nothing but muscle and cocky remarks is so much more. Calum's smart, and kind, and hilarious. He's all of these amazing things, including caring.

But what he put out into the world was never returned to him. And it was shitty and unfair. Because Calum was so amazing, and he deserved better.

"Cal, I'm so sorry." I breathe. Immediately I stand up and move closer to him, pulling his large body into mine for a hug. "I wish there was something I could do. But sadly all I can do is tell you how much I care about you."