A little hope is effective.

It's all a little too real.

I've been in my room a while now, not moving from the doorway. All I can see is Hugo, I know I should feel something for Marina to but that little boy is too soft...too gentle to be put into this. I shake my head, and wander into the bathroom; standing in front of the full length mirror I look closely at my reflection. My too wide eyes, the Capital look in my clothes and face. I raise my hands to my hair and feel for the pins holding my hair in place I remove them one by one, with each pin I remove I feel a little bit more like me. My hair is before long a wavy curtain around my shoulders, I strip out of my jump suit and step out of my underwear; I program the shower to the most relaxing motion I can remember and step in, letting the hot water relax my tense muscles... for so very long I stand letting the water cascade around me. I find the shampoo and wash my hair with slow, rhythmic motions. When I step out of the shower, and the dryer dries both my skin and my hair- I go in search of clothes. The wardrobe is full of outfits, I recognise the designs of Axel in the stitching and delicate way they each represent me. I choose a tight pant and shirt assemblement, the pants tight and black whilst the shirt is thick and cream covered in flocked black flowers. I find myself stroking the sleeve as I push my feet into a pair of matching black loafers that are somehow already moulded to my feet.

'You like?' His voice shocks me, I turn and he stands in my doorway neither in or out of my room.

'I love.' I say simply.

'I heard you did good today?' The statement is a question, a question of how I'm really doing.

'He's so little.' I say bluntly, I don't even pause I just walk straight into Axel's open arms feeling the safety I yearn for.

'I saw him earlier, he's....'

'Too young!' I yell into his chest. 'Not that she isn't but look at him...he's a child still.' And I feel the hot tears cascade down my cheeks, feel the damp fabric of his shirt.

'Hey, don't cry Ay.'

'I can't save him! I want to help him but they are all so much bigger and...'

'You'll try your very best Ay, and that's all you can do.'

'I can't let them both down, one of them has to come home.'

'I know and you'll do everything to make sure one of them wins.'

'You coming through for dinner?' I ask looking up.

'As much as I wish I could, I have to wait and meet Marina tomorrow afternoon in the Capital...'

'Oh right...' I mumble.

'But I'll see you later tonight when they're sleeping, okay?'

'Always...' I breathe.

Dinner is a quiet affair; the first two courses have been served in almost near silence with only Kizzy's attempts of conversation. I've played with my food mostly only eating maybe a few mouthfuls.

'Oh pudding!' Kizzy chimes. 'I thought we'd have a montage of desserts since we've already had cake.' The puddings look fantastic, miniatures of crème brulee, chocolate mousse, macaroons and cheese-cake. I crack the top of my crème brulee and dig in, I moan in delight of the dessert.

'Yes, yes I hoped you still liked it; after all its been a big, big day!'

'You remembered?'

On the way back from my games I sat in gloom in my room, not even Axel was able to pull me from my state of near depression. Kizzy was beside herself at the thought of her first victor being not quite well. It was Saturday afternoon and the train was going past an array of fields when she'd came into my room holding a plate and a spoon.