CLARKE:
I had spent the morning walking through the crowds and noise of Polis. For most of my time in the Capital I had remained within the walls of Polis Tower. It had started to feel claustrophobic, I needed to breathe in the air and feel life around me. Lexa had always insisted that her sentries escorted me when leaving The Tower for my own protection. I understood why, but at times it felt stifling. I'd spent so much time by myself in the woods after leaving Skaikru behind, it was sometimes difficult to always have a shadow following me as I was once again becoming use to being around so many people.
My saviour was my artwork. I had alway found such beautiful escapism through this, getting lost in my sketches of the people around me and the vibrant energy Polis held. It was many days ago I had requested some paper and something to draw with. Within the hour one of Lexas guards deliverer them to me with a message, "Regards from Heda." I was taken aback by the gesture. Even through all of her duties and commitments as Commander, Lexa had found time to fulfil what must have seemed like such an insignificant requested. My sketches were the one thing that allowed my mind to be taken away from the harsh realities of life on the ground, my inner peace. I wasn't sure if Lexa knew just how important this was to me, how much it meant.
After spending a while in the markets of Polis absorbing the life there, I was approached by another of Lexas sentries with a request to meet with The Commander. I nodded and followed him back into The Tower, leaving behind the hustle and bustle of the people of Polis. This brief respite from my duties as Wanheda was a welcome change. I knew my future would hold very few moments like this, duty would always come first, a hard fact I knew Lexa felt. Maybe she did understand the importance of her gesture after all, a conscious decision to let me know she cared.
I was guided back into Polis Tower by Lexas sentries and escorted to her chambers. Lexa was alone, sitting reading quietly, a rare peaceful moment for The Commander. It would seem she found her calm in the pages of a book as I did within my artwork.
"You wanted to see me Commander?" I asked. Lexa looked weary from her duties. Since she had declared a new path of leadership, where war was no longer to be common place for grounder society, Lexa faced the heavy burden of change. Not all agreed with, 'blood must not have blood' and implementing this was proving to be problematic. She placed her book upon the table and asked me to be seated. I put my sketches down and sat opposite her.
"How are the materials?" She asked, gesturing to my papers.
"They're good. Thank you for finding them for me." I replied. Lexa quietly responded with a nod. I always had the feeling she found it hard to engage in conversation outside of her duties, that stoic resolve hiding her feelings away.
"Clarke, we need to discuss the matter of Skaikru and how to move forward with a non-lethal approach." Lexa was direct as was my reply, "I've been working through some options with Titus, he's not exactly receptive to my suggestions."
It was no secret that Titus didn't value my opinion on grounder matters even when it involved my own people. "Titus is a traditionalist. He knows how important our law is to the clans. Unfortunately, tradition is hard to break. My people have lived a certain way for so long, they don't know any other path." There was a sense of frustration in Lexas voice.
"Then show them. You created unity against all odds." I watched Lexa cast her mind back as my words brought back the past.
Her gaze dropped, "It was different then, we had a common enemy to fight. Unity meant survival."
I understood but I also needed to protect Skaikru, "We still need that, Lexa. I can't loose my people because of the misguided leadership of one man." Now more than ever I needed Lexa to stand by my side.
Lexa acknowledged my concerns about convincing the clans not to go to war with Skaikru. Since I had been brought to Polis, she had supported me through everything I had to endure. I could tell just how exhausted she was, sleep had not comforted her for some time since the massacre of her warriors at the hands of Pike. The clans, Titus and myself all pulling her in different political directions concerning Skaikru. Part of me felt a pang of guilt, that I was responsible for asking Lexa to agree to, 'blood must not have blood'. I had urged her to keep the vow she once made, to protect my people, to treat my needs as her own. "I should leave you to finish your book, maybe get some sleep." I started to collect my drawings as she spoke, "Stay. I mean, if you have no other duties?" Lexas voice sounded vulnerable, as though she was nervous asking me to remain.
My face flushed slightly at such an informal moment between us, quickly followed by a smile, "Only if I'm not disturbing you?"
Lexa picked up her book, "I'm sure Homer and his Iliad won't mind." A slight grin danced on her lips as I agreed to stay.
She uttered no more words as she rejoined The Battle of Troy in those old pages. I continued to finish one of my drawings, the silence between us felt serene and uncomplicated. I had occasionally caught Lexas eyes glancing up from her book, to which I returned with a smile. It wasn't long before she gave into exhaustion and drifted to sleep. I watched her for a while, amazed at how peaceful she looked. Maybe I shouldn't have but something compelled me to pick up a fresh sheet of paper and begin to sketch her image upon it. I stopped occasionally to follow the contours of her face, she was so beautiful. My heart began to loose control, the barriers falling away.
I wondered if happiness would await us in the middle of such uncertain times. This was not an easy path we were on but we would walk it together as leaders. Maybe along the way we would once again let our hearts find love for each other.
