LEXA:
I could never fully explain how I felt the day she came to my room to say goodbye. I wanted to tell her I loved her, but it wasn't fair to place such an emotional burden upon her. "That's why you're you", those words falling from my lips as I held back my tears. She graciously nodded, knowing full well in her heart what I truly meant. "Maybe one day we'll owe nothing more to our people," she uttered so softly, an attempt to reassure me that this wasn't the end for us.
We held each other's gaze for what seemed like an eternity. The fear of loosing her quickly fell away as Clarke pulled me close and kissed me so tenderly, so unexpectedly. Tears fell from my eyes at the realisation she had forgiven me for the past choices I had to make. No words were needed, no explanation or reasoning, our feelings for each other were all that mattered.
The time spent together wrapped in the warmth embrace of her body was the first time in so long I had found my peace. No moment was wasted, no touch misplaced, no kiss not welcomed. We had no expectations only the desire to be with each other away from the world. I wanted to stay that way forever, forsake it all for her. My mind tried so hard to remind me of my obligations as Heda, but it was soon calmed each time I felt her hands glide across my naked body.
I was lost to her, body and soul, completely hers. She was my world, my everything. Desire, love, happininess passed between the two of us. We were contented, we were in love, we were finally free.
As we serenely lay in bed, I could feel Clarke gently tracing the ink on my back. Her touch was so tender as she became curious about my tattoo. I had explained that I had gotten the markings after my conclave out of respect for those who had lost their lives. It was hard to think back to that time of my life. To become Commander was a great honour but it was a painful path shadowed by death .
"Can we talk about something else?" I asked her, no longer wanting to recall that time of my life.
"We don't have to talk at all," she replied with a knowing smile. I leaned over to kiss her deeply, wanting her again and again. We had such little time left I didn't want to waste a single moment.
Desire gave way to peace as we lay breathless in each others arms. I kissed the back of her neck, moving my lips down to her shoulder. Clarke exhaled with pleasure at my touch, "You still have energy?" She purred, surprised that I couldn't keep my lips from kissing her body. "I don't want to let you go," I replied as I noticed four deep scars upon Clarkes shoulder blade.
Tracing them with my fingertips I wondered how she got them, "these scars, how..." Clarke answered before I finished my sentence, "From another life."
I pulled her closer, wanting her to feel safe. I knew her past weighed heavy on her mind as did mine. "We are not always the sum total of our scars, Clarke."
She turned to face me, "It's the ones you can't see that hurt the most." Brushing my hand over her cheek I brought my lips to meet hers her. I attempted to urge the kiss into something more but she broke away. "Don't do this to me," she whispered as frustration rested upon her face. We both knew our time was running out. I knew she couldn't stay but it didn't stop me from not wanting her to leave.
Reality had once more overshadowed our contentment, forcing us to say our goodbyes. She placed a soft kiss upon my lips and uttered the words I'd longed to hear, "I love you, Lexa." I wanted to cry, completely overwhelmed by my emotions. "I love you too," I replied as sorrow filled my heart. I felt helpless to stop what was happening.
She looked at me, her eyes glazed with sadness, "It won't be forever." Clarke tried to reassure me but I could tell by her voice she felt the pain of our situation as much as I did. I nodded back, unable to form words for fear of breaking down in front of her.
She climbed out from under the warmth of the bed we now shared. I watched her get dressed, never taking my eyes off her beautiful body. What had we done to our hearts? I was at the mercy of my feelings once again. They screamed so loud it was almost deafening. I sat up on the edge of the bed, wrapped only in my furs. Clarke approached, sliding her arms around me, holding me tight.
She tried so hard to comfort me, "When this is over, we'll find our way back to each other."
I looked up at her, tears welled in our eyes as I spoke, "I'll miss you."
She kissed me gently and softly uttered her words next to my lips, "May we meet again my Heda."
As her touch slipped away from me I felt as though I'd lost a piece of my soul. I watched her leave the sanctuary of my room, leaving only an uncertain future behind. My heart ached already as a tear rolled down my cheek. This bittersweet moment now haunting my mind. I wanted her to stay, I needed her to be by my side, this fallen star I couldn't live with out. I felt so utterly fractured in that moment. My sky girl, my heart, my soul.
