Ashton's P.O.V.
I remember the first time I met the boys. I was wearing that ridiculous purple shirt (I still face palm when thinking of it) and millions (not literally) of bracelets. Now, I don't wear as much. I don't need to. I remember when they asked if I wanted to play FIFA. They kinda looked at me like 'wtf' when I said no.
The fans. They helped so much. I stared down at the tiny faded pink scars littering my wrists. You can't see them unless you actually looked, which helped in my case. Why did I start in the first place? That's an excellent question. I needed an escape. Something to break away from the real world. But then music helped when I met Michael, Calum, and Luke.
They taught me that everything was going to be alright, that I have someone to talk to. My mom loved me, yeah, but she'd send me to some insane asylum or whatever. My dad's out of the question. I've never met him. My little sister would never be able to keep a secret like that and my little brother wouldn't understand what I was talking about. So, before Cal, Mike and Luke, I had no one to talk to. But now I do, which is good.
Do I ever crave the sting after the blade indented a scar on my wrist? Yes. That's an obvious answer. But I always talk to someone when that urge creeps up. When no one's home? I call them.
But then again, when people show favoritism to the other band mates, it kind of hurts. Or when they just exclude me completely.
It's like....um....I'm here, too....
Staring a the scars reminded me of who I used to be. I don't like those memories.
I remember being teased about my dad. What people concluded about him... I've never met him, so I couldn't counter it. They took that to their advantage.
They would laugh about my hair. What's wrong with my hair? Last time I checked, it's fine. The fans seem to love it.
The fans really do boost my self esteem.
But sometimes, there are people that...dislike me without even realizing it. Tweets like this:
"Awe Luke, Cal, and Mike are so cute! xxx"
"Luke and Calum are amazing singers and Michael is such a great guitarist!"
It's like, "HELLO, I'M HERE TOO YOU KNOW!"
But then again, maybe it's because there's not many things to love about me. Example? Tweets like this:
"I like the other three, but Ashton is too spontaneous....calm down."
"Like wtf does Ashton even do in the band lol"
Okay...ouch.
I ran a hand down my left wrist and felt the scars. I stopped a year and a half ago, but it's just...it's a weird feeling and I'll catch myself doing it mindlessly. I reached for the pencil sharpener I kept in a drawer. Not for pencil sharpening reasons, obviously.
'NO!' I cried out to myself and my arm snapped back. I stared dumbfounded at the shining blade. I could just unscrew it and finally this pain would be gone-
'Stop it, Ashton.'
I shook my head and slammed the drawer shut, hearing some of the wood crack.
"Ash, you okay?" I heard Luke's familiar voice and I was snapped into reality.
"Yeah." My voice cracked. Shit.
"Are you sure? Do you need me to come in? I won't let any of the other boys in."
Luke and I had a peculiar bond. We were the closest in the band, because he's helped me through so, so much. But then again... My arm absentmindedly opened the drawer.
