(Wrote this part while listening to What I Like About You lel)
Ashton's P.O.V.
Luke giggled as he pulled me into a janitor's closet that was located in the back of the mall.
"You know I just brought you here to be alone with you, right?" he asked and lightly pecked my lips.
"So, you don't want to tell the fans?" I asked.
"I do want them to know, but I want to drop hints first so that's it's not so sudden....you know?" I nodded and he smiled. "You okay with that?"
"Yeah," I agreed.
"Yay. Let's go to the food court...I'm really craving some Chinese food."
|*|*|
It was right before the concert when a panic attack hit. I was sitting down, when all of a sudden, I thought about what could go wrong. I could mess up, I could embarrass myself, I could fail Luke, I could fail the whole band, they'd probably kick me out if I screwed up. Thoughts were racing through my head and I started shaking and crying.
"Ash?" Luke asked, kneeling in front of me, since I was sitting on a couch. "Ash, baby, what's wrong?" He placed a hand on my cheek and wiped some of my tears away.
"I'm gonna mess up. I'm going to make a fool out of myself. The fans are going to hate me, you guys are going to hate me," I choked out, more tears sliding down my cheeks.
"Ash." Luke sat down next to me and pulled me into his lap. "Ashton, even if you mess up, it won't be the end of the world, I promise. And plus, you're a phenomenal drummer, I highly doubt you'd mess up. Just calm down, okay?" He pressed his lips to the top of my head. "You're gonna be okay. I promise."
"No. I'm going to do horrible and you guys are going to find a better drummer and-"
"Ashton. Look at me." I looked up at Luke and he smiled at me. "Babe, I promise, you're going to do just fine, okay? And if you mess up every note in every song, I guarantee you, there's no better drummer we could find. Just go out there and do your thing, okay, Ash? You'll be great."
A few minutes later, my sobs turned to light cries, and those turned to hiccups as I stopped shaking in Luke's arms. It was almost time to go on stage.
We walked up to the wings of the stage and Luke pulled me against him, hugging me tightly.
"Oh, and for the record, you're the best drummer I've ever met," Luke said, before looking around to make sure no one watching and pulled me into a kiss. "If you do mess up, don't freak out, okay? It's a temporary problem, and we'll fix it, alright?"
I nodded and he smiled.
"Good."
And then the show started.
But being my lucky ass (note the sarcasm) I broke the drum right as we started Beside You, which was almost at the end of our act.
"Um," I spoke into the microphone. "I'm going to need to stop you guys for a minute." Calum, Luke and Michael stopped playing and looked at me. "I uh...broke the drum."
Our fans laughed and I forced a chuckle out.
Don't freak out. You promised Luke you wouldn't.
So I didn't.
I looked up at Luke and he was looking at me with an, 'Oh God what am I gonna do' expression. We got situated with a new drum and I finished the concert with no problems. We said goodbye and that's when the initial panic of my mistake set in. I pushed passed Luke who tried to hug me backstage and marched towards the tour bus.
"Ashton, wait, please!" Luke called, but I ignored him as I threw myself in the bathroom, locking the door and feeling tears pool my eyes. I dug through the drawers and found my razor. Feeling the itch on my wrist, I looked at them and took all of my bracelets off, looking at the razor and the metal blades. I sobbed and pressed it to my wrist, sliding it across. I felt a bit of pain, but not enough. I dropped the razor to the ground, stomped on it, and snapped it in half, watching the individual blades cut into my fingers a bit and I sighed happily at the pain. I pulled one out of my hand and dropped the others in the sink, sliding down the wall. I sat down and stared at my left wrist.
"Ashton!" Luke called. I cut across my wrist once. "Ash?" Twice. "ASHTON!" Three.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. Four. "I'm sorry for fucking up." Five.
"You didn't fuck up!" Six. "NOW LET ME IN!" Seven.
And they were all deep, but not deep enough to kill me.
The door was opened, and I saw Luke standing there teary eyed with a key held in his hand. He dropped it quickly and dropped to his knees beside me.
"No, Ash. No, no, no. You promised! You promised me you'd try to stop!" He wrenched the blade from my wrist, grabbed the others, and flushed them again. "You promised." There was an edge to his voice.
"I'm sorry," I cried, my eyes closing as tears leaked out. I disappointed Luke. Luke stared at my bloody wrist and helped me up. I felt a bit light headed, and seeing all of the blood didn't help. There was a lot of blood. Luke held my right hand tightly.
"This is going to hurt, okay?" he asked and turned on the cold water. I nodded and bit my lip as he softly placed my bleeding wrist under the water. I bit back a scream and clenched Luke's other hand tighter. He washed off all of the blood and pressed a wet wash cloth to stop the bleeding. He sighed and closed his eyes as I saw a few tears fall out. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you to stop this."
"Why are you apologizing?" I asked.
"Because I'm your boyfriend, and your best friend, and I need to be here for you. But I wasn't. I should have looked for the razor and thrown it out. I'm so fucking stupid. Damn, you're bleeding a lot, Ash." He took the wash cloth off and looked at the cuts. "Those are deep. Really deep." He looked a little woozy. He stared at them a bit longer, before sighed and pulling out a large bandage. He wrapped my wrist up tightly before running his fingertips over it. He pulled me against his chest, not caring that both of our hands were bloody and dirty. He held me, not caring that I was crazy. He held me, not caring that I needed to see a therapist just to get my mind straight. He held me, not caring that we were both boys and were in a relationship together. He held me, looking passed the imperfections and depression.
"Ash?" he asked, pulling away from me.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
A/N: WELL OH SHIT I JUST DID THAT AND RIGHT WHEN I TYPED, "I love you" THE BRIDGE FOR TERRIBLE THINGS BY MAYDAY PARADE CAME ON AND IT WAS JUST AWESOME OK COMMENT I WANNA SEE YOUR REACTIONS PLEASE
