365 Days

April 20th 2016

April 20th 2016...

This was the day sadness turned into bitter madness. Yes, I know it seems extreme and a little early as a matter of fact but it's the truth.

The first couple days after April 17th were just full of sad, hopefulness because Jess hurt me but he'd come around in a few days, right? Wrong.

On April 20th, I'd had it. I'd had it with these ongoing mind games and my sadness, tears and weakness turned into bitterness, anger and prissiness. My hurt towards Jess, wondering what in hell he was doing, turned into anger towards him, pissed at him for leaving me for so many days without even trying to make amends.

And it wasn't like I'd messed up. Okay, I did. But not in the way that I should've. I never coulda known that his ex favorite person was going to be where we were going. I didn't know and how could I have? Unless some extraneous new plan came up, it was destined to happen. Whatever the reason, it had to happen. All of this.

There was no mistake made by anyone. It wasn't anyone's fault. Not mine, not May Belle's, not Jess's or even the kid that ruined it just by existing. It was fate, karma maybe even. But it wasn't anyone's fault. This was supposed to happen for some reason I still haven't put my finger on, after a whole 365 days to think about it.

We had practice for The Sound of Music production after school. However, it'd been cancelled without my knowledge and I had to try and get ahold of either Mr. or Mrs. Aarons and nobody was picking up. So I waited for a returned text. But someone else came through instead.

"Hello, Leslie! What are you still doing here after school hours?"

I turned around and there she was, Ms. Edmunds, our 5th grade music teacher. I hadn't been in her music class since that year but over the last couple years, Jess would take his well-done artwork and show her, sometimes I'd tag along so she and I were pretty cool.

"Oh, rehearsal was cancelled today and nobody's answering."

"That's too bad, I'll wait here with you if you'd like, keep you company?"

I smiled at her before speaking, "you don't have to do that, Ms. Edmunds. I'll be okay." I smiled again.

"No no, I insist. Let's catch up, shall we? It's usually all about Jess when he's around, huh?" she laughed. I didn't know how to respond, knowing Jess's childhood history with her, or more like childhood crush.

She asked me about Jess and our relationship and I just told her it was on edge right now, nothing severe. Except it was. I just didn't know it yet.

After a while, Mr. Aarons truck, the one I'd once rid in the back of, holding my hands up in the air, touching the sky, sharing our religious options, just May Belle, Jess and I, showed up out front in the bus lot and I waved goodbye to Ms. Edmunds, thanking her for the talk.

Once I'd been left to my own accord, sitting on Jess's bed, I rekindled the feelings of anger and maybe even hatred now, I had towards Jess. He acted as if I wasn't there, as if I was thin air he was walking right past without acknowledgment, not even a scowl or a rude comment. Nothing.

When someone else asked him to pass something to me or acknowledge me in any way, shape or form, he just got all stubborn and uptight. I always jumped in immediately to save both our asses, insisting I could take care of myself. But sometimes, I really didn't believe I could.