Splash Love

Turnover

After that day of my first heartbreak, I chose to stay away from Jay. It's not hard din naman because he is still busy with his life. I stopped texting him and I don't put much effort to see him na rin in school. All of a sudden I really felt I'm a wallflower. Dati I don't mind being called that way because I have Jay around. I'm happy being one to the Campus hearththrob. But now, it feels kind of sad. Being alone and being left alone. Kung nakakalula sa itaas, mas nakakalula pala tumingin sa taas mula sa pagkakalugmog sa lupa.

But I ain't Dei if I stayed down for a long time. Hurt feelings aside, I don't blame Jay for not loving me back. It was a slap of reality, yes, nung marinig kong di niya ako mahal. I know mahal niya ako bilang best friend. Kaya nga mas masakit yung pagtalikod niya sa friendship namin. I would've understand naman if he talked to me. Pero wala eh. Biglaan. Walang orient-orient. Ang sakit. Ang sakit sakit pala.

I know I have to tell Jay of how I feel so that I can move on. I am not expecting him to have the same feelings toward me. I'm happy being his best friend. Pero ayoko nang itago itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Alam ko na naman siguradong may magbabago kapag sinabi ko na sa kanya. Pero baka nga asarin lang ako nun eh at di pa maniwala.

My biggest fear when I first realized that I already have feelings for him is that he'll walk away from our friendship once he knew.  Yun naman kadalasan nangyayari sa mga drama di ba? Magbest friend si boy at girl. Girl falls in love with the boy.  Boy stays away from the girl.  Girl will start crying her heart out. Blah blah blah.

Umiyak din naman ako after nung narinig ko yung sagot ni Jay sa teammates niya.  Babae ako eh. We are wired that way.  Pero di ko rin pinatagal. Nabasa ko kasi somewhere na pag lampas three minutes na yung iyak, pag-iinarte na yun. So, yun. Iyak. Pahid luha. Tayo. Ulit sa simula.

So I made a resolve na ipahinga ko muna ang puso ko.  Di ko muna ipipilit sarili ko kay Jay.  Pag may pagkakataon para masabi ko sa kanya itong feelings ko, sasabihin ko na.

Oh, Dei! Ano plano mo sa birthday mo? Saan lakad niyo ni Jay?

I turned to my sister Coleen and answered.  Wala siguro.  Busy yun masyado sa school ngayon. May basketball trainings pa.

Himala! Pero baka naman may pa surprise sa'yo yun, yun pa!

I mentally sighed. Sana nga. Pag yung birthday ko kinalimutan niya, ewan ko na lang talaga!

My birthday came. Ang aga kong nagising. I was very anxious kasi hindi pa rin nagpaparamdam si Jay. Ni hindi man lang nag message nang Happy birthday. Dati siya talaga unang babati sa akin. Pagpatak ng 12:01, tatawagan na ako nun tsaka aasarin na ang tanda ko na. Ngayon alas syete na ng umaga, wala pa rin. Nakakainis na talaga yung tukmol na yun!

We had breakfast as a family para i-celebrate ang birthday ko. Di naman talaga ako nagpapa-party kapag birthday ko, yung ganitong salu-salo okay na ako. It's a Saturday pero may kanya-kanyang lakad din kasi sila kaya sa breakfast na lang yung celebration. And also they are kind of expecting that I will spend my day with Jay like we used to do on my birthday. Di ko na lang sinabi na wala kaming plano ngayon so that they won't feel guilty leaving me all alone in the house.

I was in my room, in bed and busy staring at the ceiling. Still no message from Jay. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. I was startled when my phone beeps signaling an incoming message. I smiled. Finally!

But it's not from him. It was from Jane, classmate ko in one of my major subjects. Siya lang yung ka close kong classmate because we share the same interests in books and disinterest in kikay stuff.

We exchanged text messages for a while and decided to meet to hangout. Wala rin naman akong gagawin so I thought, why not? First time kong lumabas and hang out with a girl so susulitin ko na. We met up sa isang kilalang bookstore sa mall and indulge ourselves to books. Books never fail to make me happy kaya nag-enjoy talaga ako. And Jane is a great companion. Madaldal din pala at ang gaan kausap.

We spent the day window shopping after naming makabili ng mga libro. The day ended with us hanging out on a cafe shop and chatted the day away. Paglabas namin ng mall, madilim na. Di namin namalayan ang oras. Ang laki ng ngiti ko kasi ganito pala yung pakiramdam nang may ka girl bonding. Ang babaw pero, masaya pala. I appreciated life even more today. So despite being sad kanina when my day started out, I'm still thankful that God gave me this day to gain a new friend.

I'm already in bed when I remembered to turn on my phone. The battery drained earlier while we were at the mall and I haven't brought my power bank. I plugged it in and waited for it to start. A flood of messages came. Most were birthday greetings. I scanned them and my heart skipped a beat when I read a particular one.

Hey! I haven't heard from you all day. Are you okay? Uhm, happy birthday nga pala. Tanda mo na! Hahah.

And another one. I'm sorry kasi di ako nakapunta. Basta. Sorry talaga. Usap tayo. Miss na kita.

And I cried my eyes out that night. Because in spite of it all, just a text from him made everything seem alright.

I miss you too, Jay. So much it hurts. And I love you. So much it freakin' hurts.

I sleep thinking those words but never have the courage to reply back.

** Hello po! I started writing this just for fun and for my Team Harot friends (Hi, guyth! 😊) I'm not expecting na may magbabasa rin nito sa dami ng MC FFs. So happy po ako! Salamat po sa mga nagbabasa!

And this particular update is for @IamAquaSchimdt kasi siya yung humingi . 😂 Na pressure ako ng slight pero sana magustuhan mo. Salamat!