Mr. Mendes

Runaway.

Shawn.

I woke up early that morning and stretched out my arms. Once I put them back down, I felt nothing under them. Alexis was laying on top of me when we fell asleep, but now she's not. I felt around the bed not being able to open my eyes, and there was nothing.

When my eyes were able to adjust properly, I looked around to not see her, but a note. My heart pounded in pain as I picked up the note and hesitated to read it.

Shawn,

I really never saw myself doing this, but I am...I have to. I don't know what to do now. No matter how good you make me feel, my mind always drifts off to what you did. Nothing could probably ever make me forget about that. Not even you.

I don't think I can ever forget, and I'm sure of that. I know that you did it because you wanted to protect me, and if I'm gone, then maybe you won't have to protect me. I don't like that I'm the reason why you are drifting away from everything...it kills me.

I know that you love me, and I love you too, but I just need to be on my own from now on. I don't think I'll ever be able to let you go, but I am right now. It's for the best. All of the moments we've had together were the most memorable moments I've ever had.

I know that I'll never be able to forget about you because you were my first love. I'll always love you Shawn, and I don't know how many times I can truly say that, but I do. I'll never forget about us, that will be one memory I'll never forget.

I'll never forget the day you came and changed my life. I thought we had our whole lives planned out, but we were just lying to ourselves. After everything that has happened, I don't know what I can do. I can't forget, and nothing is letting me forget.

The only right thing to do is to just leave. By the time you read this, I'll already be gone. I'm really sorry it has to end like this, but I do know one thing for sure... This isn't goodbye, I'll still keep that promise to you. I'll never say goodbye to you nor will I forget you.

With you, you made me feel safe, and like anything could be possible. But now hearts have been broken. I don't know if I can ever heal from this. I'll always love you Shawn...until our hearts stop beating. No matter what, I'll always be yours, and no one can ever replace you.

I love you Shawn, and just know that no one can ever change that feeling. Me and you until the end...someday.

I love you...forever and always,

Alexis.

I dropped the note down on the bed and felt my body start to tremble. I could feel everything around me start to push pressure on me. She's gone. My whole life was drifting away from me now. If I hadn't of made such a huge, unchangeable mistake, this wouldn't have happened.

But I did. I made that mistake and there's no way to take it back. Neither mine, nor hers hearts will ever heal. Everything I basically felt like I lived for was gone. She took all of the love and happiness I had for her with her. She's gone, my life is gone, everything felt like it was just gone.

Alexis' heart may never heal because of me. I'm the cause of this. I'm the cause of hurting her. I feel like I'm being suffocated without her. My breathing started to become heavy as I picked up the note. She is really gone. The girl I love, and will always love is now gone...because of me.

I laid myself back down and felt warm tears stream down my cheeks. Everything is gone now...absolutely everything. I could still smell her scent on the bed which made me break down even more. I knew that I hurt her, and now I know that she'll probably never come back to me.

After all we've been through, I had to ruin it. All I want is her right now, but she's gone. She'll never come back. I thought it would be me and her until the end of our lives, but not anymore. And that's because of me. She still didn't say goodbye though, so maybe someday we'll see each other again and when that day comes, I won't let her go.

I'll never forget the time we shared our first kiss, our first I love you, our first time, our first everything. With her, my life felt complete, but now it's all just broken. Inside, I'll just be pained each and everyday until I see her again.

Now I'm on my own in the real world. I have no one to understand me now. The only thing I can do is just live my life like she told me to do. I'll never forget about her nor will I stop loving her. Because not loving her would just put me over the edge. I can't live without her, but for now, I have to.

For now, I have to be on my own, and wait until the someday comes. And when that happens I'll still love her. Always have, and always will.

Lexi.

At this very moment I don't know what to do with my life. I left. I just left him...all alone. It felt like everything I had ever known and loved just came tumbling down on me. Part of me was missing...I could feel it. I left everything I had ever felt towards him with him. I'm gone, and there's no changing that.

I want to be with him, but I can't. I can't risk getting my heart torn apart again. I tried...I really tried, but I couldn't. No matter how much I tried to stay with him, that one part of me didn't. And that part somehow took over me. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing because I can't live without him, but I had to.

I had to be apart from him. Just for the time being, but then again, could I ever see him again? Someday I want to be able to see him. Maybe someday we'll come back into each other's lives, but right now, I couldn't face him. I couldn't face him after what he did no matter how good he made me feel.

No matter how much we tried last night to forget, we couldn't...I couldn't for that matter. But I know that I love him. I don't think I could ever love anyone as much as I loved him. I mean he meant the world to me, but now it seems like he doesn't. Everything that had just happened was just too much for me. It was too much for us.

I know that it would take my whole life to forget about him...maybe even longer. I know that nothing could ever change the way I feel about him. Even if I end up with someone else, I'll never be able to love them the way I love Shawn. He was everything I lived for, but not anymore. I have to let him go. And with that, I'm getting on a plane to New York.

Hopefully things will get better, but I doubt it. Nothing can ever get better if I don't have him.

But I have to try for that fresh start.

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