Always and Forever

15 - The Little Things

•Toni•

I had finally come home after being with my family all day. We went to a longggg, but enjoyable church event. It was for the youth to give us some fun, good vibes and words of encouragement before school starts next week and then some last minute shopping. Even though I had enjoyed myself, I found myself distant from people. I guess it was the fact that my parents found every reason to keep me busy so I couldn't have much freedom. It had me feeling some type of way but I just didn't speak about it.  Once we got inside, my sisters sat on the couch and were about to watch t.v.  I usually liked to do the same but I just decided to go up to my room. Not really saying anything to anyone as I went upstairs.
I changed into something comfortable then got in bed. Before I laid down,
I reach over and turn on my radio. It was already on my favorite station so soft r&b music began to play.  I just needed to ease my mind.

After a few minutes, I heard a knock on my door and I furrowed my brows as  the sound of my brother Mikey's voice was on the other side.

"Toni.. you mind if I come in and talk to you?" He said as I sit up in bed and move some hair behind my ear.

"Sure, you can come in. " I called out to him. And with that, he came in and just sat at the end of my bed. I gave him my full attention

"So what's up?" I asked as my brother turned and looked at me.

"Well, I just...kinda wanted to see what's up with you. Ever since you came out, everything it's been on the hush.." He said with a sigh.
I nod in agreement. I was glad I wasn't the only one who noticed this.

"I guess because our parents are still processing the fact that I'm a lesbian and actually in a real relationship. I mean, I know and understand I lost their trust but it's like they're smothering me. If I don't have to work, mommy wants me to help her with this or do that. Daddy's been having me help even more with things at the church. Like doing the Sunday programs , setting up for special events and just more than the usual. Then...any extra activities, they just... sign me up without even asking if I want to participate."

"They have been keeping you pretty busy Toni, I can't sit here and act like I haven't noticed it. But listen, let's be honest for a second alright sis...  Out of the blue, you not only told them you're a lesbian but that you're with your best friend so to speak. A girl you've spent the night with. Been alone with on numerous occasions. They don't know how long this has been going on, what you guys have done. And...
They are scared as hell at the fact of their oldest daughter is growing up... actually dating. They don't know how to handle it. You're still that sweet innocent little Toni to them."

My brother's words got to me deeply  and I took them all in. He was young but very honest and wise. I honestly hadn't thought of things this way so it made complete sense as to why my parents were acting this way.

"Mikey, you're making a lot of sense.. and I'm hearing you. But... I just wish they can talk to me, express things.
I don't wanna feel like a stranger in my own home you know?" I said as he came closer to me and shook his head.

"Don't feel that way Toni, because you're definitely not.  Yes, I'm still getting used to things myself but, you're my sister and I don't look at you any differently. But I promise you, they'll come around eventually. And don't be all locked away in your room all night. I think Soul Train is coming on soon.  You sure you don't wanna watch it?"