Always and Forever

26 - Silent But Deadly

Years later...

Toni

I sat in Dr. Jackie's office, waiting for her to come back with my test results and to "consult" about my health. It wasn't that I was sick, but I had just been feeling very drained, and nauseous. I was probably just stressing and needed to calm down. I had taken a break from shows, appearances and music just to make some time to rest up. I had a new album in the works but I just needed to get back in the spirit.
I was just thinking of all of this as I waited. And within minutes, Dr.Jackie came back in with her pretty smile, and clipboard. She had been my doctor for so long, and she was like family. I trusted her with my life.

"How are we feeling today Toni?" She asked as she was looking over some papers on her clipboard and sat at her desk.

"Other than a bit nauseous every now and then, I'm good." I said as I shift in my seat. I ran my finger through my hair as she nodded.

"And this nausea, is frequently? Is it just every so often?"

"I'd have to say it's more frequently in the morning when I first wake in the morning. I try crackers and club soda but I usually can't eat much until it's over."

"Well... I think I have the answer to all your nauseous, fatigue and muscle issues. Congratulations Toni, your pregnant.

And I want to take for an ultrasound to see how far along you are."

She said with a smile as she stood and motioned me to follow her to the exam room. I was struck. I was silent, frozen, scared and more in one. But I just couldn't believe my ears

"Pre...pregnant...?"

Once we got into the room, I took off my bottoms, and got up on the table. I watched her as she lifts my shirt some and squirts this cool gel onto my stomach. She was just using her instrument to move up and down my stomach. And I heard this noise, it was a very steady, pumping beating noise.

"That's your baby's heartbeat Toni, and from the baby's size, you're about.. 15 weeks. Already in your second trimester. But there's your baby."

"My baby, it's still....I can't believe it... that's my baby." I said as I looked up at the monitor and watched my baby. Even though I couldn't really see much of anything just yet, but what I did see is my future. I was happy, scared and...guilty.

After showing me certain things, setting me up with appointments, prenatal vitamins and all, Dr. Jackie gave me some well wishes and sent me on my way. I called Keri to talk but he didn't answer.

Typical Keri... So I just let it go and head home.

I stripped my clothes and just crawled in bed.
I had been sleeping off and on all afternoon and into the night.

Lately my energy levels were low,
it was a challenge to go from my bed to the bathroom that was literally a few steps from the bed. With Keri gone most of the time and my sisters so busy, I was taking care of myself. And all I wanted to do was sleep. I was woken up by my cell phone ringing loudly. Thinking it was Keri checking up on me. But surprisingly, it was Tamar.

"Hey Taymie, I thought you were on a flight to L.A." I said in a groggy but happy tone. It was good to hear my sister's voice.