Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

XXXI

XXXI.
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Song of the chapter:
Green Light by Lorde
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I woke up early Monday morning with knots in my stomach due to Justin's warning as to what was going to happen in the cafeteria. I was more than thankful that he had warned me, but I didn't want to see it. Living in denial was much easier.

I don't even know who he's breaking up with, I thought. Maybe it's better that I don't know. Maybe I'll eat lunch in the bathroom today.

That night Justin and I shared on the beach was eye-opening. He wasn't the horrific monster that people made him out to be. Though he made a lot of bad decisions, he was still a person. He was a person with feelings and faults and tragic memories that was more than just an "experience."

Aren't you just using him for experience. Your book? my mind taunted.

No, I thought, arguing with myself a little bit. I felt like a crazy person. Even though I'm documenting it, it doesn't mean I'm using him. I still want to get to know him. That's okay. Right?

For the second night in a row, I didn't get any sleep because I was too busy talking to Justin about anything and everything. Talking with him and getting to know him in such a relaxed manner made me realize just how normal he truly was. I regretted listening to everyone else's opinions. They didn't know him.

Justin drove us home at around 6:00AM on Sunday. It was early enough to sneak me back in so that my parents wouldn't notice. I was nearly delirious when I climbed back in through my window, needing my bed more than ever. I never went that long without sleep before unless it was for studying for a test.

He didn't kiss me goodbye, and I was glad he didn't. It was obvious we both wanted to, but I vowed to myself that I wouldn't allow anything to happen between us until he could prove to me that he was serious about this, and that I wasn't just "the next girl."

I fell asleep to the thought of Justin only moments after he left, and slept up until 2:00AM Monday morning. And there I lay, tossing and turning, worrying about what was going to happen at lunchtime. I tried to go back to sleep, but I had slept eighteen hours at that point. I couldn't go back to sleep no matter how hard I tried, leaving me to worry about what was going to happen. I worried all through the morning, on my way to school, in class, and up until lunch.

"You know, fuck boys," Anna shook her head as she took a bite from her apple at the lunch table. "They lead you on for like a full week and then just change their mind. What's that about?"

I nodded, my stomach hurting so badly I wanted to throw up. I couldn't even eat. I was terrified. I hadn't told Anna either, so I was ready to burst.

"I take it things didn't go well with Colton yesterday or Saturday?" I asked, trying my very best to act like I didn't have a care in the world. It was very hard when I knew an outburst was about to happen.

I wonder how many girls have been in this position. How many girls has he warned about this, and they just sat through it and said nothing? How many girls did it happen to shortly after he warned them?

"Nope," she declared, popping the letter "p" with her lips. "After I gave him a blow, I haven't heard a thing. You were right, that was all that dumbass wanted."

The corner of my lips pulled upwards, feeling sorry for my friend. She liked this guy a lot, and I hated that he strung her along just to get some head. That wasn't fair.

"And I know I'm good at it!" she waved her hand. "It had nothing to do with my performance. He's just an immature little boy. I need someone older, like fifty."