Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

XLVII

XLVII.
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Song of the chapter:
Cry by Carly Rae Jepsen
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We were at a deadlock. He didn't answer me, and I didn't say anything either. Evidently he was bothered by the fact that I was getting to him. I knew his game before he even had to tell me, and he didn't like it.

Regardless of the fact that I now knew he cared, I felt the tears begging to leave my eyes. I was more than frustrated with him for the fact that he was hiding something the whole time, and he knew I was afraid of that. I protected my heart with good reason, and he tried to make me feel like I was crazy for it.

"Why are you trying to push me away?" I asked finally, feeling worse than I did before I tried to get my closure. "Why are you doing this?"

He sucked his teeth, looking down shamefully. "I have to."

"Tell me why you have to, and I'll go. I'll leave you alone," I demanded. I wasn't going down without a fight.

He still didn't look at me. He couldn't face me. He didn't want to say the things he was saying, and I knew it. It was forced. I just didn't know why.

My stomach ached at the thought of him being gone from my life so soon. He was good for me, and I for him. I didn't want to lose him, and it seemed that he didn't want to lose me either. However, he kept pushing. He pushed, and I really just didn't know why.

"Justin," I felt my voice break, indicating that I wasn't going to be held together much longer. He knew that, and he looked up at me. I could see the pain in his eyes from my sorrows. "Tell me why you're pushing me away."

"Kennedy, I—" he stopped. The way he said my name made me feel warm. It was soft and gentle. It was the voice I was familiar with. The voice I was falling for. I missed it so much.

I felt a tear run down my cheek to my dismay, showing Justin for the first time how vulnerable I was. I was sure he knew, but he never saw for himself. Never did I think I would allow him to see that way, but I did. I did so soon, and I couldn't stop myself once it started.

He lifted his hand hesitantly before holding my face in his palm, wiping the single tear away with his thumb. Even after all of the moments we shared together, that one in particular felt the most intimate. It was real.

"I can't. It will make things worse."

"Make things worse?" I gripped his wrist in my hand and pulled his off of me. "Justin, I don't think it can get any worse than this. You not telling me anything isn't making this any easier on me, okay? I'm—" I stopped, breathing in to collect myself, but failing miserably. I only cried harder. "I'm going crazy. Just please, please tell me. That's all I want."

He looked at me sadly, most likely hating what he was doing to me. Then again, he had to have known I wouldn't take any of what was happening lightly. Especially since he was my first everything. He knew that.

Justin's eyes browsed over me before he looked down again for what seemed like the millionth time. His silence was killing me. I just wanted it all to be over and back to normal— whatever that meant.

"Kennedy, I wasn't lying when I said all of those other girls came on to me," he began. My hands trembled softly. I was terrified of what I was about to hear. "They did, and that's fine, but after Jessica, I just— I don't know, I felt empty. I felt like everything that happened to her was my fault, and to this day, I still feel like it's my fault that she is the way she is. I wanted to forget about it all. Forgetting her and all that happened was all I cared about, and these random girls throwing themselves at me like I was some free thirty-day trial didn't help as much as I thought it might."